Our Nora Girl

Our sweet little Nora is struggling. She has had dry skin and tummy trouble her whole life and at about 4-6 weeks the doctor suspected she may have a sensitivity to dairy. I cut it all out of my diet and it seemed to help a bit. I was never completely sold however that she was allergic to milk. But who knows! Anyway, her dry skin turned into what looked like a teeny bit of eczema and that teeny bit of eczema tuned into a lot of eczema covering her little body and driving her nuts. 

For weeks now she won't sleep and spends most of the day crying if she isn't being held. It's very hard to hold a baby all day when she has a sweet little sister who needs you too! It's also very hard to know your baby is hurting and not know how to fix it. 

I took her to the doctor yet again because she was screaming inconsolably and pulling on her ears all week. I thought she had an ear infection. Nope. Maybe teething...but who can really tell! Anyway, times like this is would be so helpful for our whole family if sweet Nora could tell us what's wrong. Lance and I are very tired from getting up 5-10 times a night with her. She just lays in our arms and moans! Breaks our hearts!! 

I am considering putting Nora on a hypoallergenic formula the doctor recommended months ago. I have resisted and cut foods from my diet for months hoping something works and she just seems to get fussier with each passing day, and gets more and more rashy, and is now pretty much congested sounding all the time. She has pretty textbook food allergy symptoms. So even though I can pump 20oz at most times in the day....I may be putting Nora on formula. Stinky, expensive formula at that. But I truly don't care one bit at this point. We are just desperate for our little nugget to feel herself again, we are all ready to sleep again and I think Zoe is ready for mommy back too! 

Parenting truly is 1000 times harder than I could have imagined. Having a little helpless human counting on you to make all their decisions and keep them healthy and happy can be hard work at times!! But I'm so thankful to be the mommy of my little fussball and look forward to the day that she is no longer quite such a challenge!! She has SUCH a sweet, easy going personality and whatever is bothering her has made it hard for her to be her happy, sweet little self! Poor angel! 

We will see how her trial week of formula goes! I'm a bit skeptical but we shall see! :) 

Enjoy the Nora pic overload! She really is such a precious little angel & such a blessing to our family! We wouldn't trade her for the world! even when she sleeps 4 hours a night and screams for the better part of the other 20!! Not really, but maybe close! Hehe ;) 

Wide eyes first thing in the morning on her 4 month birthday

Colleague of cuteness!

Listening to mommy act like a crazy lady singing show tunes to get her to smile! 

Sweet angel after her first "sleeping through the night" it probably goes without saying based on this post, but sleep has been seriously regressing! 

Work

So on September 3 I start work. I am only working Monday and Tuesday late afternoon/evening so not much at all, but work it is! I am very excited to get out if the house for a few hours a coupe days a week, I am very excited to be able to contribute to a few bills, I am very excited to add a little speech therapy back into my week, and I am very very excited to have 10 hours a week with some guaranteed adult interaction, conversations where people talk back (well, in my line if work people don't always talk back but that's what I'm there for hehe), and something to take my mind off all things mommy for a few minutes. 

But I will admit that leaving the girls for 10 hours a weeks, even though I 100% trust their temporary care takers and daddy, is making me uneasy! I pretty eat, sleep and breath these two baby girls. I know them inside and out and know how they tick. Well, at least this week, they do love to change it up! I am telling myself that a little distance is healthy, that they will live even if at that evening nap Zoe isn't rocked up on my shoulder and Nora in the crease of my other arm while simultaneously putting in both pacis and singing "You are my Sunshine". But it's hard for me. I'm sure it's just first mom"itis" but I just hate to change things up on them! I worry that they will have a hard time with the change and wonder where I am. Am I giving a 3.5 month old too much credit!? I have been told by those I love most hehe that I am a baby micromanager. I think it's sadly true. But this letting go thing is HARD for me! 

But I think this will be a good lesson for me. I can get in my car, put on my music and say a quick prayer knowing they are in Gods hands and he is their ultimate protector, not me. And hello, they will be with my mom at my house Monday and a sweet nanny at the house Tuesday. Then Daddy takes over! He will do great and I must say, I'm a little glad daddy gets a taste of what two babies alone are like. He is so supportive of me and helpful, but I think he will gain a more clear picture of my days with them when he sees the "fun" getting two babies fed and asleep alone brings hehe! 

But I am very thankful for my job, for the flexibility it allows and for the opportunity to switch gears from mommy to speech therapist a couple evenings a week! Not that you can ever really turn off mommy brain! 

Wish me luck! :!

They won't ever know...

Today as I was sifting through my girls 6 month clothes, yes they have outgrown 3 month hehe, I found 3 little onesies from a friend that she's got at an adoption conference. They say "hope for orphans" and we have 3 of them. One just waiting for Jane. 

I was looking at Zoe & Nora in the little shirts and thinking, "man, they have no idea." They have no idea that they were born into a family who loves adoption. They have no idea that they will likely be going on multiple trips to Ethiopia, celebrating Ethiopian holidays, and "gotcha days". But then I thought about it some more and realized they will no nothing different. We won't have to teach them that no matter what color you are God loves us all the same. They will only know a life with siblings with different color skin. And we won't have to help them understand that you can still be a family, even if you have different biological mommies and daddies. They won't know a thing different. We wont have to explain to them how much Jesus loves orphans and that we are called to take care of them. They won't have any memories otherwise. All they will ever remember is a family, all mixed up with different colored people. 

Sometimes since having the girls I stop and think, "ok....what have I done. We finally have a really good system down here. Am I really about to rock the boat with another child who will likely have some special needs?" Because, having twins comes with some serious "special needs" and not a lot of sleeping, or eating, or cleaning, or talking to your husband or keeping up with friends. But when I stop and look into the future and know my girls will only know adoption as normal, when I realized we will have to teach them that we are in fact the "different" family it makes me smile! Because it took me a long time in my life to realize that as a Christian "different" is in fact our goal. We are supposed to be set apart. My girls will only ever remember being "different" and as odd as that sounds it makes me so very happy! 

I can't wait to see what God has in store for us with little Jane, because the last two gifts he gave us were pretty amazing!! :) 

3 month old little girlies~

I am a few days behind but my girls are 3 months old! I would love to say, "where has the time gone" or "man, this flew by" but that would be a lie! I honestly can hardly remember what life was like before them, and it seems like I have been a mommy for much longer than 3 months! But oh what a wonderful 3 months it has been. I know I won't remember things, so boringly, for myself I am going to document what they are up to and how they are doing!


Zo Zo is:

-smiling up a storm
-cooing all day long and babbling...I have heard m, b, g, d and that warms this Speech Therapists heart!
- rolling from her back to her tummy...but HATES getting stuck on her tummy & screams until I flip her over!
-holding her little head up like a champ
-supporting her weight on her little legs when we hold her up
-has started straining her neck to watch the TV when it's on in the room....she loved her some TV
- loves to be read to and will attend to an entire 10 minute book smiling and cooing and making eye contact with me the whole time. It is precious!
-Has pretty much stopped crying much at all! She is the essence of content!
- sleeping like a little champ. Our sleep changes around here a lot. She was going to bed around 7, getting up around 1 for a quick bottle (It is always Nora who wakes up but we feed Zoe) and then sleeping like clockwork until 7:30am. I mean 7:30 on the dot. But lately they have been going to sleep around 8:30pm, getting back up around 5:45am to eat and then going back to asleep until around 9:15am. Yes please! Let's keep this up little girls. Zoe does not move an inch, or make a peep at night. She is the most still, quiet sleeper. I am pretty sure if we didn't have our little thrasher AKA Nora Beth, we would put Zoe down at night and not see them again until the morning.

Nora Beth is:

-smiling a lot but we have to work for it! When she is in the mood she won't turn the smile off for hours, and then some days we go a whole day and I am lucky to get a few good smirks!
-lifting her head up and supporting her weight on her elbows while on her tummy. She sleeps on her tummy now all night and I think the extra "tummy time" is doing her good.
-babbling like Zoe, but in the softest voice you have ever heard. When she cries it is downright shrill, but when she talks it is like she is whispering. Its odd to me. But very cute (the babbling...NOT the shrill crying).
-Will sit and listen to a book and watch my face the whole time. When I get really animated her little eye brows lift up in delight and it is beyond precious!
- Has become a tad hard to deal with during the day because she has developed an insistence on being held! I took her to the doctor twice because I was just sure she was ill or had an ear infection or something. Nope...just a mama's girl!
-Sleeping much better stretches at night! However, she must be the world's lightest sleeper. She thrashes around her crib all night long. Sometimes I look at the monitor and cannot believe a child can be moving so much and still be sleeping. She is officially a tummy sleeper and will not even consider a 2 second nap now on her back.
- She is eating up a storm and at 14 weeks was 13.6lbs. She never stops eating and I am starting to think our night wakings are a habit and not from hunger. I have yet to let her "cry it out". :) 

-rolling from her back to her tummy...but doesn't really seem to care to do it much. She really likes to just chill on her back and swat at her toys. She will smile and do her tricks if we force her...but I think she would prefer we leave her alone! :) 

Both girls are SO wonderful. I just love them so much! Looking forward to what month 4 will bring!! :)

Just for me :)

This is just for me....just to remember it all (and prob won't edit or spell check)

Little angels, you have been doing so well the past couple weeks! Your smiles are constant and it is so so so much fun to look at your sweet little faces all day! I love spending my days with you and sometimes still can't believe I am the mommy to both of you precious little girls! I found myself folding laundry the other day with a huge smile on my face thanking God for finally answering my prayers. I have always said I would rather stay home and be a mommy, fold clothes and make peanut butter sandwiched than go to work and here I am. Living what I truly  believe to be my perfect job, and exactly where God wants me to be!

Zoe Rose, you are a sleeping machine and are officially " sleeping through the night". You go down around 10:30-11 and get up around 5:30-6. It's awesome!

Nora Beth, my little peanut, you are doing so well too! You have pretty much dropped the middle of the night feeding too and sometimes just need a paci of a little squeeze from Mommy or Daddy to get back to sleep. Last night I heard you whimpering and waited a few minutes and you stopped all on your own. Such a big big girl!!

Zoe, you bring SO much joy with your smiles and energy. You are so alert and people are so amused by your outgoing nature! People always think you are older than you are because you are just so alert and strong! You have started kind of laughing and I can't think of a better sound on earth!

Nora girl, your are our snuggly little peanut and anytime we are with friends people fight to hold you little snuggle bug. You are so alert too and lock into whoever is holding you with your big blue eyes and huge smile. You are so super sweet, it really melts mommy a heart.

I am, at least this week so far (it's only Monday hehe) feeling pretty rested and still soaking in the baby bliss around here. We still have stressful days, lots of them, and we still have days with lots of crying. We still have dishes piling out of the sink and onto the counter, and with each load of laundry  the girls clothes get more and more unorganized. BUT I am just so thankful. Please God never let me forget how thankful I am for these precious blessings you have given me and thank you in advance for the third precious blessing we will have coming soon!! :)

Now, I am off to see if I can grab a quick 30 minute nap while the girls sleep! :)

(Girls at the gas station for a quick bottle and diaper change on our way home from Belton. Pumping in the car with very little tint on the windows is comical I must say! Oh the things we do for our babies huh!?)

Exhaustion

I now have so much respect for all mommies and must say that I now truly know the meaning of the word "exhaustion". I thought I knew before. I thought staying up until 3am in college and then rolling out of bed for an 8am class was exhaustion. I thought getting up at 4am to study in grad school was exhaustion. I thought if I didn't find my bed after a night of less than 5 hours of sleep I was exhausted. Nope. I think I now really know what it means to be so so so tired. Our girls are precious. I mean, they are perfection in my book!! But they are going on 11 weeks and until last night I hadn't gotten more than 4 hours in a row of sleep since they have been born. Most nights would consist of us desperately trying to get Zoe to go down (Nora goes right to sleep) and then around 12-1 once Zoe was out Nora would wake up and scream (not wanting to eat I will add) until about 3am when then Zoe would promptly wake up to eat. So we feed both girls, change them, put them back in their swaddles, and spend until around 4am getting everyone back astleep. Sometimes 4:30. Then we go back to bed, fall astleep and would wait for the 6am starvation cries and I would get back up and do that one myself because Lance leaves at 6:30 and so begins our day! So if you are doing the math that is about 2.5 TOTAL hours of sleep a night. To say I was beginning to lose it is an understatement! We feed the girls at the EXACT same time all day long so we really don't know why the have fallen into such opposite sleeping patterns. However, the light at the end of the tunnel is starting to shine a teensy bit because last night Zoe did her typical stay up until 11:30ish however she then slept until almost 7am!!! And Nora did her typical wake up but not until 3am!! So we slept from about 11:45-3:00 then from about 4-6!! It was heavenly and I have been so happy and hopeful all day!! I just know they are on the cusp on real sleep!! Well they sleep ok now, but I think we may finally be about to see some synchronized sleep!! Here's hoping right!! :)

2 months!

Well another month down with these two little precious angels and I am happy to report we are all still alive! It has been the hardest, most exciting, exhausting, fun month we've ever had. People have been asking me how I have been doing and the answer to that is I'm doing great until I'm not. These angels of ours have been the greatest gift imaginable and they are easy babies for the most part, but OH MY GOODNESS...caring for twin infants 24/7 is hard work people!

Zoe and Nora are such sweet little girls and are starting to smile a lot and really interact with us. When a particularly good mood strikes both girls at the same time we get to enjoy tummy time and they love to lay on their play mat and look at books and toys. They have become much more alert and will follow you all around the room with their little eyes smiling at you. It makes even the hardest days worth it. They are great little eaters and sleepers and I would say we have gotten lucky with that considering we have two. They still love to be outside and even the worst of meltdowns can usually be quickly remedied by a session of singing on the porch swing. They both love to be cuddled and would spend the entire day in my arms or in the sling if they could. Zoe continues to be our more outgoing, alert one and typically stays awake longer stretches during the day, sleeps longer at night, and usually eats a little more as well. Although she started out exhausting us with her screaming, she has transformed into a very predictable, very very easy baby. She will sleep 6-7 hour stretches at night (maybe longer...not sure bc she eats when Nora eats) and just eats, sleeps, and plays all day with very little problem. However, when Zoe does have a problem the neighbors can probably hear her shrill scream. That is until she goes hoarse from screaming so loud! :) Nora continues to be our calm little baby and only gets super worked up when she is really hungry and every evening from about 6-9 (more on that later). She loves to be held and although she is quiet in volume compared to her sister she never stops squeaking or grunting around. She has reflux and we are working hard to get her feeling good! But she has the biggest smile and will look up at me often with her huge blue eyes while nursing or taking a bottle and give me the biggest smile! Its precious! Both girls have come to love the car, bathtub, and laying in their vibrating chairs. We also just introduced the swing and they seem to like that too. Pretty much they are just awesome and we love them so much!

As wonderful as they are I will have to admit that some things have just been downright hard. Here are a few things that often make my days really exhausting.

-The girls are quite different and have different needs. Keeping twins on the "same schedule" sounds great in theory but when they go through growth spurts at different times, and are sleepy and hungry at different times as a result it can be hard. Trying to decide to "wake or not to wake" a sleeping baby just because sister is hungry can be a hard decision. However, when I have decided to let each baby dictate their own day I have found myself feeding a baby every hour or so and that's no fun for anyone. My personality is not one to make a baby eat on a schedule, however I have had to just accept the fact that I can't be the kind of mom who just nurses on demand when a baby wants to eat. Its been a hard reality/adjustment for me.

-Nursing is hard! The actual nursing part has been pretty easy, they eat very well and are growing great. However, nursing both at the same time and then trying to burp one baby while the other is still trying to eat isn't easy. However, if I unlatch a baby because sister is burping she screams. But I get it! Who wants to be forced to quit eating just because their sister is! We also hit a patch where Nora wanted to wake up at 4am and eat and then again at 7am when Zoe woke up for the day. Its hard to decide to nurse or give a bottle and if I nurse one baby at 5am I have to pump what the other baby didn't eat, however I then run the risk of that baby waking up minutes later. So I give the pumped bottle...but still, it's a lot to consider at 5am and I may or may not have given the pumped bottle to the baby who just ate and then spend the next hour trying to figure out why one threw up and one was still screaming. I mean maybe. ;) My goal was six weeks for nursing and we made it so my next goal is 3 months. We think Nora may have some milk allergies so I have cut all dairy from my diet. We will see if this helps some of her tummy trouble. But yes, as of now we are nursing or doing a pumped bottle 100% of the time.

-Colic sucks. Nora has what we can only assume is Colic. She screams her cute little head off every evening from about 6-9. It is really sad to watch and sad for Lance because he literally walks in the door...I hand him a baby and we usually don't experience much silence until they go to sleep anywhere from 8:30-11:00. We both have baby K'tan slings now and usually eat dinner and do all our evening stuff with babies on us. Its pretty cute I must say!!

-Pooping. Our girls are have a hard time pooping. We will experience 3 blissful days of happy babies and then on "poop day" things tend to fall apart. They just don't seem to have mastered the art of pooping easily and are in lots of pain until it passes. My doctor assured me this will soon pass. Thank goodness!

-Sleep. The girls are good sleepers. They really are. However, as with everything the fact that there are two of them adds some difficulty. They are typically eating around 8:30 and will fall asleep around 10:30pm. They then get back up around 3am to eat and then again around 6:30 for the day. Our goal at each middle of the night feeding it to be back in bed within the hour. Its a contest we play with ourselves each night...sometimes we win and sometimes we lose! I go back and forth about feeding them one more time at 10:30 but it is usually when they have just hit that deep sleep and it doesn't seem to affect things. They usually get up at 3:30 regardless. We are usually in bed around 11pm and then back up at 3 and then back in bed around 4. However, Nora is up a LOT in the night crying in pain and I cannot bare leaving her alone so most mornings Nora joins the party around 4am and I am usually up so I am very tired most all the time. Zoe doesn't like to be left alone either and will often cry out until I pick her up. I would like to start to let her just work that out on her own a bit but once Nora is up she is UP so I usually rush to quiet Zoe in the night, likely just continuing to teach her that if she screams I will come rushing and get her out of bed! But I am just waiting for that glorious day when I wake up at 6am and no one woke up in the night! I pray for this daily so I know it is coming soon!

- Me. I have been one of the hardest parts of all this! It sounds odd I know, but I have had a really hard time adjusting to some things and having to alter my expectation of motherhood/my personality. I waited so long for these babies and in my mind I was going to spend my days loving and cuddling the girls, holding them all the time, and just pretty much just hanging out with them. I have had so many friends with one baby and they would describe the blissful days they spend with their babies in the first few months. I imagined very little crying because I would attend to their ever need quickly. Being a mom who is adopting as well I have done my fair share (ok...way more than that) of reading on attachment parenting and I just assumed I would follow that method with the girls. I would do my best to feed them before they were hungry, let them sleep with us if they cried, and pretty much just attend to their every need ASAP. HA!!! That's all I can say about this!! Let me tell you, I was in for a rude awakening. With twins someone is ALWAYS crying, someone is usually hungry, usually wet or dirty, usually needing to be held and they just have to wait. The only way I can describe our days is that it is just maintenance. Pretty much just trying to keep them alive! :) We get up, change diapers, move on to the huge nursing pillow and nurse both girls for about an hour start to finish, change more diapers, burp again because Nora has to burp a lot with her reflux, then try to settle both babies on my lap, sometimes try to manage to get both happy in my arms so we can rock, play a little if they are in the mood, then try to settle them both to sleep when they get fussy and if I get lucky squeeze in a pumping session to try and keep up the ever growing needs of these girlies. Then...well, it's time to start over because they eat every 2.5-3 hours. So it has definitely not been the blissful picture I imagined. It has been wonderful and I love every second, but I have had to accept the reality that no one baby can have all my attention and this has caused lots and lots and lots of tears from this mamma. But it's getting better!

Here are the things that have made ever second of the extreme sleep deprivation and stress worth it!

-Smiles. They both have the cutest, biggest smiles and I get flashes of big gummy grins all day!

-Baby sounds. They have both started cooing and babbling a bit and the sound of their little voices melts my heart. I can't even describe how sweet it is!

-Learning their personalities. I have loved seeing the differences in my girls and learning all about them. I love that Nora likes me be rocked really fast in the rocker at night and likes for me so say "shhhhh" in her ear until she falls astleep. I love that she likes to lay on my chest in the night when her reflux starts bothering her. I love that she will look up at me and smile when I am feeding or changing her and I love that she likes to snuggle close to me in the sling. I love her little baby sounds and her sweet nature. I love that she is sweet and patient and seems to be just the perfect little personality to have a life where she has to share her mommy. I love that even though she is often very uncomfortable with her tummy issues and reflux, that she is a happy child. I can tell she has been given the gift of patience and calmness. She is going to be one awesome little girl!
I love that Zoe loves to be sung to. I love her super outgoing nature and need for lots of human interaction. I love that she prefers to be sung to and have her little head stroked when I rock her. I love that she cries out and is just telling us she wants us near and wants to be stroked or held. I love that her favorite thing is looking straight at you and smiling. She is one social girl! I love her sounds, she talks a lot and loves to be talked back to. I love her wild nature, and the way she eats like she is starving every time and screams like you have never heard the second something rocks her world. She gets over her fits within seconds so its more comical than stressful. I love that they are both so sweet and I can't wait until they start to notice each other. That will be too cute for words I think!

-Dressing them. I know this sounds crazy, but have I mentioned my dream in life was to have twin girls!? Getting them all cute in their matching clothes is too much fun!! They look pretty dang cute every day....however they spend most days in their matching jammies and I will realize that they have been in the same thing for days if we didn't go anywhere that they needed actual clothes! :)

So that's pretty much where we stand right now. We are doing great but are extremely exhausted and SO ready for these girls to take up the art of sleeping through the night. But we continue to thank God for the gift of them! Its a gift we didn't deserve and it gets more and more precious and wonderful everyday!! 

Enjoy a few pics of our sweeties!! They're pretty cute huh!? ;)