Jane

This has been a  hard couple of days! I honestly did NOT see this coming at all. We got our update for Jane yesterday and we are #9. Meaning that if we weren't pregnant we could be seeing a picture of our baby girl before the new year.

I think it just brought up a range of emotions that I didn't think I would even be going through. We never in a million years thought things would pick up and move so quickly again. Plus, our road to pregnancy/having a family has been an emotional rollercoaster.

I wasn't positive I would even have a desire to get pregnant after getting Jane home, but I also wasn't positive I wouldn't and the decisions we have been faced with over the past couple years have been hard! Dealing with endometriosis, and then infertility and then being faced with how we were going to heal this disease (that is typically only curable by pregnancy or prolonged use of artificial hormones) has just overall been a bit rough! Being given timelines to get pregnant by and then passing them by month after month was stressful.

Lots of prayer has gone into all of this and I have felt peace every step of the way....but being pregnant doesn't reduce our desire for Jane to be home....and wrapping my mind around the fact that she was just within our reach and now is back out there in the "unknown timeline" land is sad! Like, really really sad. Obviously God decided to allow us to get pregnant and oh my goodness, I am so glad he did. But for some reason the reality of our precious other child that isn't resting safely in my belly with the other two is just killing me!

I have pretty much come to a place of peace with the idea of three little ones running around our home instead of just one. I'm actually excited that my neat little clean house will soon be the home to more baby things than we can count and I have even accepted, although I know I can't fully understand yet, that I will be tired most all the time. I am honestly excited about every ounce of it. I am excited about my sole focus for a while being my babies. If you know me well, you know that although I enjoy my career, all I have ever wanted to do is be a mom. Period. I can't wait to finally have the job I have dreamed about forever.

But I am having a hard time with the fact that Jane Jordan isn't coming home soon. She is still coming home, but not that soon. I was also a little confused about the rules within our agency about adoption after biological babies are born. I was under the impression that you just had to wait 6 months and you could be matched with any baby. However, I was not understanding correctly and the rule is actually that your biological children and adopted children must be at least 6 months apart in age. Meaning that once our bio babies are 4 months old we could accept a referral for a 10 month old, or once they are 6 months old we could accept a referral for a 12 month old and so on. It's not that big of a deal, but just a different mindset in a way. A mindset that likely places us being matched with a slightly older child. Which is ok too. Just something new to wrap my mind around (however, I have come to enjoy God stretching me so I can look back and smile on the end result).

As I type all this I think what is going on is that I am just adjusting to a new reality. A new look of starting our family. A slightly altered picture of getting Jane home and bringing biological children into our family. Nothing about any of this is bad. I mean, if Jane can walk when she gets here that would make my life a lot easier since I will have two that don't! Well, maybe, maybe not I guess...hehe!

God has already written this story. We had the elders at church anoint us with oil several months ago and pray for healing over my body and I was healed. We also prayed for years and years about adoption and have never wavered on this aspect of bringing children into our home. God has flooded this adoption with more blessings that I can count. The story is written and I hope that as I live out this next crazy chapter in my life I can bring glory to God through this story. I hope people look at our family and think, "If Lance & Kayla can do it so can we!" And I hope this is just the beginning of it all. I hope we can continue to be a warm home to children who need a mommy and daddy. I pray that my life is nothing but a platform for God to work and that I can love on as many babies as he allows me to have, regardless of where they come from! :)

*Lets hope Lance didn't make it to the end of this post hehe! :)

Ho Ho Ho

It's beginning to look festive at the Agan household. I cannot tell you how many people have told me to enjoy my last Christmas before children are destroying the house. So I decided to work a little extra hard to make it festive this year. Lance, my Dad and I worked Saturday on our lights and I must say, we all did a pretty good job. Max loves to come look at the lights and then sprint down our entry way to the mantle and point up at the Santa and say "Ho Ho Ho". He is just a little holiday treasure this year, getting so into all the Christmas fun!! Enjoy a few pics of our festiveness this year! :) 

Happy Holidays! 

The red stocking in the middle is for Jane and I have to admit that I teared up a little as I hung it. I would have never imagined that we wouldn't have her home this Christmas. It been such a long wait for that little one, and in a way getting longer. I CANNOT wait until that little red stocking is overflowing with goodies for my little girl. :)

And the belly grows!

I am having so much fun with this preggo belly. It amazes me how quickly it is growing, however when I have an ultrasound and see both babies crammed in there I think I should be bigger than I am. I'm sure I will be rather large before this is all said and done so I am going to enjoy this stage while I can! Sickness is now over. I am just so happy! I even managed to gain 5 pounds up until now which is a minor miracle since food was not really my friend. However, I think I may have gained all 5 last Thursday! Seriously. I was loving my nausea free Thanksgiving! The concept of some degree of weight gain being a good thing is just so odd....but good I guess b/c I don't think it can be avoided in a pregnancy huh!? I sure do enjoy the occasional jug of whole chocolate milk or the extra large slice of pie that I am eating "for the babies!" I really do feel like a new person now that I am not in a constant state of blah! I have been having pretty frequent bad headaches and some heartburn, however that's pretty much all. I do feel like I am having symptoms very very early but maybe it's because there are 2 babies?? I don't really know. But nothing too bad at all. The picture to the right is from our big family photo shoot and she snapped a few of me and Lance. This may be the first picture of us preggo! ;)

We find out the gender next Friday December 7th, and will officially find out with some friends and family the next day! I am SO excited. I actually went in yesterday at 16 weeks and she did an ultrasound and I asked her if she would write the genders down on a piece of paper and seal it for me (I brought supplies just in case) she said of course and after finding one babies gender pretty quickly she searched for another 5-8 minutes and couldn't tell the gender of the other one. She refused to write anything down because she didn't want to be wrong. I was hoping for a little assurance that we would have genders to tell next week, so I am keeping my fingers crossed that our modest little baby shows it's stuff next week so we don't have the worlds most disappointing gender reveal party! ;)

When I saw them yesterday it was amazing how much they have grown and how close together they are now. I frequently feel a baby kick in the same spot all the time and yesterday we saw that one baby has the placenta behind it and the other right in front of it. I think that's why I can only feel one baby so far. But we got a good shot of both. One was bouncing all around and we could hardly get a good pic. The other was just chilling with it's little hands by it's face and would occasionally move an arm. It looks like we may have one hyper baby and one chill baby. Nothing similar to their parents I know! But it is getting kind of wild how much is going on in my stomach with two babies and two placentas and the cords and all that. Its hard to know what you are even looking at sometimes. But they are cute and looking great so far. Lance will go with me to our big anatomy scan next week and I am looking forward to that. I actually get those every 4 weeks since it is twins and they are keeping such a close eye on me! It's all just so much fun!

Enjoy some "bump" pics. Its pretty undeniable at this point!

12 weeks

13 weeks

14 weeks

15 weeks

Babies at 16 weeks! (L) profile (R) straight shot :) 

Ok that's all for now, not much else to report. Happy Tuesday!  

Just some thoughts

A couple days ago I asked my mom to go with me to babies r'us. I am the last of a long line of women in my family who have had babies so you would think I would know what I need or have some opinions or something. Nope. I know nothing. I just figured if/when I ever got pregnant I would just ask people what they did. I mean why research and read lots of books when you can just ask experienced mommies/your identical twin sister. Right?? Plus, my mommy mindset up until recently, consisted of me adopting and having a two year old only child.

Anyway, we walked aisle after aisle and I became more and more, well, freaked out. When we got to the "twin" nursing pillows that were the size of a baby cow I started to tear up and politely asked if we could end this little outing. ;)

It's not that I'm not excited. I know that goes without saying, but baby stuff is overwhelming. There is just so much. Its all so big. It's so expensive. It seems excessive, but then you talk to moms and realize it's actually not excessive but necessary. And things are generally just not made with twins in mind.

What initially triggered my interest in starting to look at stuff were the questions I was getting about my thoughts on strollers and cribs and nursing. I realized I couldn't answer them because I hadn't given it any thought (well nursing a little)!

So now I am starting to think about it all a little more and am slowly coming to the realization that two babies will come and they will be here in 6 months. It is finally starting to sink in and I think it is only human to have a few moments where it is just almost impossible to comprehend.

Lance and I are just having so many conversations that we never thought we would have and sometimes laugh that one of us actually just said "Well, we will move this bed into this room so we have room in the back of the house for all 3 cribs!" Or, "I guess we can get a van so we can easily fit 3 car seats." I am laughing as I type because it is just so crazy, yet so real and I think sometimes if I didn't laugh I may cry! ha! Tears of joy of COURSE! ;)

Ok, one work day left and then I am off for the week!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Names

Names are set! We have 4 names picked out for all possible gender combos! We wanted to have names picked before we find out the genders in a few weeks. We sat down and threw around names each night. We landed on our girl names really quickly and the boys took a bit longer. Well, a lot longer. But here they are. I CANNOT wait until Dec. 8 when we find out with family and friends if our little Jane Jordan will have sisters, brothers or both when she gets home!! :)

Girls:

Nora Beth & Zoe Rose

Boys:

Zeke Samuel & Henry Miles

Boy/Girl combo:

Nora Beth & Zeke Samuel

According to all the old wives tales I am having girls. I have been sick, craving sweets, both babies have really fast heart beats and the Chinese calendar says girls! So according to Doctor google I am carrying two girls!! I stopped short of peeing in a cup and mixing it with with drano to see if it turned green (girl) or blue (boy). But it has been fun imagining and anticipating what they will be!! However, no combination will disappoint. I am just still in awe that I am even typing this post. SO thankful!!

Come on Dec. 8!!!

Loving the bump!

This past Saturday my mom and I went shopping for maternity clothes. It was so fun but I didn't really have a legitimate "bump" so it was hard to know really what to get. I could push out my belly as hard as possible and start to kind of imagine.

 

Anyway, Sunday morning when I woke up I think the babies must have known that they now had a proper wardrobe because overnight, and I literally mean overnight I got a baby bump! It was so strange, even Lance couldn't believe it. I figured maybe I was bloated or something, but nope. It hasn't gone down in the least over the past week and it is hard as a rock! LOVE IT!! :) I think I will get used to the "Oh my goodness how far along are you? Wow only that far? You look so big for being so early on!" Followed by, "Well I am having twins so I think that's why." I just love it though!! I will probably only do this whole pregnancy thing one time so I may as well get to enjoy the cute baby bump right from the start.

 

We started our second trimester this week. I have been feeling a little less sick. Chic fil a is still not my friend AT ALL but besides that most food is sounding ok these days and throwing up seems to be done! I am so thankful! Not much else going on besides working a lot at the school and just doing normal life stuff with Lance. We find out what these little munchkins are in 4 weeks!! I am counting down the seconds!! I think it will really set in once we have names and know what they will be!

 

Ok.....off to take a nice long nap before Lance gets home! Happy almost weekend! Also, if you live in Houston and didn't know the Nutcracker Market is here this weekend and it is SO MUCH FUN...IT IS CHRISTMAS ON CRACK!! I AM GOING TOMORROW WITH MY MOM AND SISTER BUT COULD PROBABLY BE TALKED INTO GOING AGAIN IF YOU WANT AN EXCUSE TO GO AND NEED A SHOPPING BUDDY!

Here are the precious boys who were dedicated to God on Sunday! Could anything be more precious in this entire world!? I didn't think so!!
 



And just so you can see the evidence, here is a pic of the little "twin bump"! My eyes are puffy because I was crying because I ran our of chocolate milk! I have to just laugh at myself about that one! I haven't had to many mood swings but I cried all through worship time at church too "happy tears" and then all through Max & Levi's baby dedication. Apparently that chocolate milk set me on a scary path for that particular day! :)

Cloud 9

I really cannot put into words how much I am on cloud 9!! We got a call from our agency and they told me that we would likely be #1 on the list before the babies were born so even though we won't be able to accept a referral until our bio babies are 6 months old it is pretty much a certain thing that Jane will be soon to follow!! And I'm pretty sure that 6 months will fly by. I have a feeling we may be a tad busy. We won't get her at 6 months but will hopefully be matched at 6 months and then 5 more months or so of paperwork and travel will be required. Our caseworker called us and we joked about how we said we were open to twins from Ethiopia. She said she would wait until I wasn't sleep deprived before she asked me if we were still open to twins from Ethiopia. Ha!!! I kept trying to reword asking Lance if we could take twins from Ethiopia and he kept saying "no". Our conversations went something like is:

Me: "So think we would want to accept a referral for twins?"
Lance: "no"
Me: "Like "no" "no" or "wait and decide later kind of "no"
Lance: "ummm I think like "no" "no".
Me: " we'll you never know....we may think raising twins is so easy that we wanna do it again! Do you see that happening?"
Lance: "We'll I don't see us taking twins if that's what your asking....the chances seem very small"

Oh Lance....love him!! :)

We also had our 12 week ultrasound today. The babies looked perfect!!! It has been soaking in all day how thankful I am and how amazing/crazy this all is!! I have literally been bouncing around all day.

Since we are having twins we go a little more often for ultrasounds and actually start doing the high tech ones at 17 weeks. Meaning we should know the gender of the babies in 5 weeks!!!!!!! We are going to have a twin gender reveal party with 2 cakes and I have literally been dreaming about this event my whole life and never thought it would happen!! I have been asking God for twins since I was 10 years old!!!! Like I said, cloud 9! 

I am also more conscious lately of my uninterrupted time with Lance. We love us some "us" time and I know it's slipping away quickly. Well we probably have 6 months left to be exact. Yikes!!! I don't want the babies to come and feel like I regret not soaking in all our time together. I am so relieved to be about out of the first trimester (I actually don't know technically when that is) and now I'm glad we have several months left. I want to make the most of this time because I really do love our little life together as just the two of us. As much as we have wanted a baby, we have always feared the change in dynamic. And I could be wrong but I think twins and a third shortly after from may change the Agan dynamic up a little bit!!

But we are so thankful!! I feel beyond blessed! I told Lance to tell me if I ever complain because I don't have a thing to complain about on this earth! I am so blessed and cannot believe that God not only chose us to experience this miracle of pregnancy but has also chosen us to understand his love for us even more by letting us experience first hand what he did for us when he adopted us. We get to mold a child into our family just like God molded us into His. We will get to watch all this love unfold in our little family and my heart could burst right out of my chest!!

Ok off to sanitize our house. I forgot to mention that Lance and I had a horrible stomach bug. I mean horrible!! We couldn't walk or move for 24 hours straight. We both went to work Tuesday and both ended up at back at home in bed by noon. Lance actually threw up in his office while leading a conference call. When I got home he was already in bed and in the most pathetic voice he told me this whole story. I really got so tickled I could not stop laughing. We were both laying in bed SO sick....and I really laughed for 15 minutes. Then everytime I thought about it for the rest of the day I laughed. It was good comic relief amidst lots and lots and lots of throwing up! But at least the babies pulled through. After every horrible vomiting spell I would put my hands on my belly and apologize to the poor babies for the torture! Ok off to clean!! Happy November....which is national adoption month! :)/div>