Each Friday when the days ends and no news comes, it inches us that much closer to the courts closing for the rest of summer for rainy season. It closes the door on any hope of this week being "the week". So we start the next week, with extremely feeble hearts trying with all our might to be positive and expect this week to be "the week."
This Friday was particularly hard because our little girls turns another month old. Another month without a family and suffocatingly close to being stuck in an orphanage for 8 extra weeks if we don't get a court date this month.
Sometimes the weight of all of it feels like it is crushing me. The thought that she is thirsty or hungry or sick without her mama literally sits on my chest like a giant weight. I feel it lumping up in my throat. It's a constant burden. It grows everyday with the sadness of what seems like unanswered prayers.
Right now I feel like God is silent. My deep seated faith allows me to know that God is working in this even when he is silent. But my heart and mommy instincts are sad, and confused, and just flat out mad about this long drawn out process to get a child that has been without a mommy for almost half her life now.
Please pray for us. I know it's hard for someone on the outside to understand the fierce emotions that can come with adoption. That can come for a baby you have never met. I can only explain it as supernatural because I feel for her, pray for her and worry for her just like I do for the ones safely under my roof. Our hearts have been knitted together across the ocean.
Pray we get the call soon! I know God calls us to pray boldly and expectantly. I am trying. I just need this little one safe in my arms.
2 comments:
I can't even imagine going through this waiting. I am praying for you all that little Jane comes home SOON.
While I can't relate to the specific emotions you are going through when it comes to adoption, I can certainly relate to being stuck in a season of waiting and feeling so frustrated, hopeless, forgotten, etc. that you can't imagine ever making it through - but the light at the end of the tunnel is there, my friend! I am thinking of you guys often and praying that you will get to meet her as soon as possible and that she will be HOME with her family where she belongs before we know it! Sending you hugs!
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