I'm feeling so lucky that the Lord has allowed us to experience these two different kinds of childbirth. Different, but all with the same ending. All ending is so much love.
As we get closer to this "due date" I'm so curious about her. This time around I've been looking at a little face frozen in time for months, not a fuzzy ultrasound where you guess who has whose eyes and nose hands. But a little face where you guess "do I see little bottom teeth!?" Or "is that hair as curly as it looks?" I'm also so excited to learn her temperament, to see what her little skin feels like and smell her little head. I'm excited to rock her and sing to her and watch her learn how to be a daughter and sister.
I don't want to say I'm more excited about this "birth" than I was the others, but it's so different. And in some ways it is more exciting. I know adoption comes with extreme grief and loss and I'm aware that hard times lay ahead. But just like walking into the operating room about to burst with twins, the "what ifs" and anxiety don't even begin to compare to the joy and excited anticipation and the good "what ifs!" Like "what if she loves to be rocked!", "what if her sisters love to help take care of her!", "what if she sleeps peacefully in my arms all night long", "what if she learns to love us quickly!"
I'm just so flat out excited to meet her. To pick her up and squish that little brown cheek up next to mine and tell her that "Mommy is finally here." That she will never wonder again if she is loved and cherished and chosen. She has found her forever place. No matter which "what ifs" come true. She will be ours. ❤️
No comments:
Post a Comment