No sleep for the mommy who can't find her black skirt!

Last night I slept 45 minutes and honestly that may be a generous estimation. How can a person sleep the night before beginning a journey that began in my heart 12 years ago. We packed up our bags, picked up the house and set our alarms for 4:15am to get to our 7am flight out of IAH on time. 

I was actually pacing the living room until about 12:45am watching episodes of Orange is the new black. Around 1am I layed in bed and easily drifted off to sleep and as I was about to fall asleep I realized I didn't pack my new black skirt. The one I specifically bought for Ethiopia. Oh, and I think I have clothes in the dryer. And DANG I'm not sure if I packed my hair straightener. What bag did I put the converters in? Yes this was my "non" nights sleep! 

But we are currently about to touch down in DC and then get ready to fly straight to Ethiopia tomorrow. We will get into addis around 7:15am and go see our girl!!! 

Tonight I will not be messing with another sleepless night. 9pm bedtime and a healthy dose of unisom for me!! 

And check out Lance in the top picture. Such a sleepy head! 

Me? I think my foot has been tapping this whole flight. I'm pretty sure I'm even typing fast right now!! Eeeeeek!!!!! I will be holding my baby TOMORROW!!!!

Finally in that third trimester.

As I was talking to a friend of mine who is due just about the same day we go to court in Ethiopia, it struck me that it's HERE. Just like her labor is coming, we are about to sit in a court house and promise an Ethiopian judge that we will love this little girl forever. She's then born into our family. Just like that. Fastest labor ever. Well, plus 3 years of waiting and about 62 jillion times more expensive than childbirth, BUT the same end result. A new little Agan baby! 

I'm feeling so lucky that the Lord has allowed us to experience these two different kinds of childbirth. Different, but all with the same ending. All ending is so much love. 

As we get closer to this "due date" I'm so curious about her. This time around I've been looking at a little face frozen in time for months, not a fuzzy ultrasound where you guess who has whose eyes and nose hands. But a little face where you guess "do I see little bottom teeth!?" Or "is that hair as curly as it looks?" I'm also so excited to learn her temperament, to see what her little skin feels like and smell her little head. I'm excited to rock her and sing to her and watch her learn how to be a daughter and sister. 

I don't want to say I'm more excited about this "birth" than I was the others, but it's so different. And in some ways it is more exciting. I know adoption comes with extreme grief and loss and I'm aware that hard times lay ahead. But just like walking into the operating room about to burst with twins, the "what ifs" and anxiety don't even begin to compare to the joy and excited anticipation and the good "what ifs!" Like "what if she loves to be rocked!", "what if her sisters love to help take care of her!", "what if she sleeps peacefully in my arms all night long", "what if she learns to love us quickly!" 

I'm just so flat out excited to meet her. To pick her up and squish that little brown cheek up next to mine and tell her that "Mommy is finally here." That she will never wonder again if she is loved and cherished and chosen. She has found her forever place. No matter which "what ifs" come true. She will be ours. ❤️

We are coming for you angel baby!!!!

(Night of the call!!!) 

I've got about two minutes to post because we are leaving town in a few hours for our last ever family of four trip! 

But we finally got the sacred call saying we have a court date in Ethiopia and will be leaving soon to meet our girl and go to court to officially make her an Agan always and forever!!!! 

I am on cloud 9. However, I am also kind of a mess trying to figure out how to coordinate a week long trip last minute out of country with two toddlers who definitely don't add much to the ease of planning. 

But, we will make it! We will be holding that sweet angel child so so very soon! I really cannot believe it. And as long as the wait has been, honestly it's been pretty seamless since our referral. We've miraculously gotten in before courts close and will have waited a little under 5 months post referral to going to meet her. We are definitely blessed!! We know others have not walked as easy of a path. We still have a few steps to go to finally have her adorable little chubby feet firm on the ground in Houston, Texas, but we are just so darn close!!!!

Thank you God for starting this story and now bringing it to completion!!! 

Beach trip

This weekend was wonderful. We rented a little beach house with a few other couples and it was just the perfect little mini vacay, and gave us some much needed family time!  

The house we rented was a tad misrepresented in my option, aka the advertised "third bathroom" was in fact a shower outside. But really, I was surprised how 4 couples and 8 kids did just fine in two bathrooms! 

The first night and morning were a tad rough. The girls went to bed at 11 and then woke up for the day at 4:50 asking to go see Dolphins! Then at nap time Nora mastered escaping from her pack and play and literally appeared standing over me just as my eyes were closing out on the deck for a little nap! But I'm happy to say by that night they decided they were over it and slept great the rest of the trip. 

This trip was really nothing fancy or special, but it will always hold a special little place in my heart. I've talked a lot about how God has mapped out this adoption ever so specifically. This weekend gave me so much time alone with my girls, away from laundry and groceries and just life. Even Nora's little nap refusal gave me two solid hours with her alone on the beach and then 2 solid hours with just Zoe. It was just time to be still, time to enjoy my little family the way it is right now. I would be lying if I didn't admit that I teared up a few times as I sat with my two babies, watching the ocean and talking about the waves and fish, very aware that this season is ending. 

But I feel like God stopped life this weekend and let me just soak in our family of four and regroup before starting this new chapter. We all four rocked each night before bed on the side of the bed, or as the girls called it, "family rock." We sat for hours and built sand castles and then ate hotdogs and played with friends all night. No one got in trouble for just eating queso for dinner or skipping brushing their teeth. We just enjoyed each other! 

I feel ready to take on this next task. I have a lot of peace about it! Sure, I am drowning under piles of sandy laundry, but I am uncharacteristically calm about it all. So far no worries about traveling across the world. I am starting to get a little knot in my stomach about leaving the girls for a week, but aside from that, I'm excited! It's finally the right time for us to add Jane to our little family. 

Thank you God for giving me 3 days at the beach with wonderful family. This no frill, little Galveston vacation may be my favorite one so far!

Eventually all two year olds give in. Even mine 

The aquarium. Every time we ask them what their favorite thing about the trip was Nora says, "the man washing the windows." She was obsessed with the guys in scuba suits cleaning the windows in the giant tank at the aquarium. Never mind the Sharks and stink Rays and giant sea turtles swimming by! 

Sand fun! 

Busy playing. 

Levi worked SO hard to dodge this photo. Can you see him!? ;) 

Worn out wet baby girls! 

Just a little sand fun. 

She's all ready to go "count Dolphins." And count Dolphins she did. Did we ever see one? No! Oh but Nora put in some good work counting them at the beach. It was actually kind of strange. My little goof. 

The letter.

Adoption update:

So no real update. But I just wanted to clarify what I'd love people to be praying for.

We need a group called MOWA (kind of equivalent to cps here) to write a letter of approval on our case. Every thing else is done. Every person has been at every meeting, we have been cleared 100x over and now we just need this one more teeny, tiny, but CRUCIAL letter. Once they say OK we get a court date. 

Since the courts close in Ethiopia in mid August, we need it this week or next most likely in order to get squeezed in in late July or early August. 

And I refuse to accept this yet, buuuut if we don't get in before the closure we could move from meeting our girl in a matter of weeks to 4-5 more months!!! Ok, no way Jose!! 

So please pray that our file gets picked up TODAY and that our case worker has a soft heart towards adoption and doesn't require any unnecessary "investigating" in our case! 

Thanks!! 

Wait for the Lord.

I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. 

To you, Lord, I call; you are my Rock, do not turn a deaf ear to me. For if you remain silent, I will be like those who go down to the pit. Hear my cry for mercy as I call to you for help, as I lift up my hands toward your Most Holy Place.

Psalms 27:13-28:2

Nesting.....but a lot easier to move this time!

This weekend we sent the girls away to Lance's parents house for some Mimzy & Pops time so we could get things ready for baby sister's arrival. The weekend started off rough. Not gonna lie. I spent about 2 hours alone in the car in a fed ex parking lot outside of our neighborhood crying alone before going home. Really, sometimes the highs and lows of adoption just call for a good car cry. 

But I pulled it together"ish" and Lance and I had a great weekend spending time just the two of us. It's truly amazing the amount of productivity that can occur when you remove the twin two year olds from the equation. I was in nesting mode big time and cleaned every last surface of my house. I'm talking, under the fridge, oven, laundry room tile, you name it. If it was within arms reach it is now shining. Last time I was "expecting" I was waddling around like a gigantic whale and has to just dictate what needed to be done from the couch! This time I've been much more efficient! 

Lance worked away on little girls pink room and at night we went out to long dinners alone and slept until 10am in the morning. It was great. And now WHEN I get the call to go to Ethiopa THIS month, I will be ready. And my house will probably be even cleaner. See, I am a stress cleaner. So if you come into my house and it's all shiny and smelling like lemon and essential oils you need to be concerned. If you can't find us under the piles of laundry and all you can see is playdough we are all good! :) 

But little Janes room is coming along, just a few more little things, and her clothes are hanging in her closet and her Mommy and Daddy are ready!! 

I had to laugh as I walked through the back of the house that now occupies three cribs! When we bought the house we had it all planned out. We were going to just have one baby (jane) and make the other room a beautiful guest room and the front room (playroom) an office for me to work from home from part time. Ha! 

Wow, God has blessed our lives! 

My cousin text me tonight and told me to "Pray, Praise & Wait." So that I wil do. And I pray I wait more gracefully this week than I did last week! I have a good feeling. A good feeling about this week ahead.