It is well

My cousin called me today to share this song. I downloaded it and have been playing it all day. I think these words can speak to all of us in different ways and for different reasons. Such a great song! 

http://youtu.be/Txg5nOIZYO8

Really fun day

Today was such a fun day. Exactly what I needed to take my mind off some of the stressful adoption stuff! 

Ever since I can remember I've said "I can't wait to have a daughter and take her to the American Girl Doll store someday!" Kinda strange I guess but I just loved my Molly doll so much and felt so special when I got her and always wanted to have little girls and do the same! Well the other day at my aunts house my mom saw first hand how much the girls LOVE and I mean LOVE realistic looking babies. They will play with them, feed them, rock them and even crawl around on the floor "crying" with them for a looooong time! So we decided a little

Christmas scouting trip was order! "Mommy clause" isn't likely getting them an American Girl doll quite yet, but "Mimi clause" just may. I'll hold out and get them Kirstin and Molly later! :) 

But the girls were in heaven. Dolls are where they are definitely showing an interest right now and their little minds were blown. They had a blast and got their little dolls all set up in a stroller and cruised around like they owned the place. When we told Zoe it was time to go she got her doll out and tucked her under her arm all ready to go with her new best friend! Thankfully telling her the baby had to go "night night" did the trick. 

After that we headed to the awesome indoor toddler at area at this mall and then finished our fun morning off at California Pizza kitchen. This was our first time here with the girls so we had to do our soy/nut/wheat/egg investigation. But after sending the waiter back to the kitchen about three times we deemed it a safe place and the girls and Mimi and I devoured some yummy hummus and gluten free cheese pizza. Yummy!! And PTL for the gluten free options everywhere now! People like us are SO thankful! 

After naps my mom came back over to bring the girls some warm Jammie's. Can we say nicest person ever!? And then she offered to drive us all to Starbucks. I'm pretty sure she could sense that I have been struggling a bit and I must say this day was SO good for my soul!!!!! Nothing like great company all day and someone loving on your kiddos! Seriously, most refreshing thing ever. 

Looking very forward to having THREE girlfriends to take on outings like this soon! I mean, SO excited!!!!

Enjoy some pics of the girliest girls around! :)

Nora wore her raincoat all night until we forced it off for the bath. Hood & all! 

Our newest game. The girls ask me "mommy snow!?" And we throw cotton balls all over the house. Ha! Lance walked in from work thrilled to see another blizzard had blown through. ;)

My sweet Zoe waiting for lunch.

Big girls!

The pictures don't do it justice but the play place at this mall was amazing!!

Nora found a little hole perfect for her!

Zoe in her happy place!

Nora too.

She grabbed every doll she saw and started hugging it and was pulling everything off the shelves faster than we could put them back!

Little mama.

Zoe loving her baby! 

New best friend! Hopefully she's good so Santa will come! 😃

The Good, The Bad, and the God bigger than all of it!

So we were given some disheartening news regarding our adoption and adoption in general in Ethiopia. The situation in Ethiopia is pretty complex and I won't go into too much detail. But in a very concise nutshell the government in Ethiopia is now focused on keeping the kids in country and exhausting all means possible with international adoption being the last resort. I think it's an honorable mission, however as of now it only seems to be keeping a majority of the kids in the orphanages much longer while they process paperwork and attempt domestic placement. The reduced number of referrals (kids getting matched for adoption) coupled with NO reduction in the amount of kids in the orphanage are putting the orphanages in crisis financially. If I understand correctly, the fees payed through adoption (the referral fee you pay when you are matched with a child) are a high source of support for the orphanages and with such a slow down in referrals the funds to support the orphanages and the children simply aren't there. It seems the number of children in the orphanages continues to be the same but the resources to keep them there aren't. 

So here is the difficult news for us. And I will preface it by saying that I completely trust our agency and believe they continue to do everything they can to keep costs as low as possible. But we have known throughout this entire process that our last big payment would be our referral fee. We have been preparing for about a year to come up with what was expected to be our last fee. We would owe $9,500 in order to be matched with a child. We were almost there with about $6,000 and confident that we would be able to fundraiser and save to get the remaining $3,500 in time for our referral, and if not would hope to qualify for a grant of some type to help with the reminding costs & subsequent airfare (we have to go to Ethiopia twice). 

Well, yesterday we got an email informing us that in order for our agency to remain in partnership with orphanages in Ethiopia our fees we must have in order to be matched with a child have gone from $9,500 to $15,200. We must have this money on hand in order to say yes to a child when we finally get that call! As in we cannot accept a match without every penny then and there! 

We are prayerful and hopeful but also heartbroken. This seems like a completely insurmountable amount of money to us. However, God has continued to provide the finances needed for this adoption and I have to believe He will continue to do so now.

We are praying hard about several things and more than anything beg you guys to partner in prayer with us. God has placed some potential work opportunities in front of me and we are being prayerful about whether or not me returning to work on a part time basis for a season is where God is leading us. We just aren't sure yet.

 We have been told that although an exact timeline is impossible, that it's realistic to assume we could be matched with a child before the end of the year. So yes THAT IS CAUSE TO CELEBRATE but time is simply not on our side!

As I was praying Monday after initially being in tears over this email and what I thought may be the end of our journey in Ethiopia, I very clearly heard God speak to me. I heard Him remind me what was sacrificed and paid for me to be adopted! God isn't asking me to sacrifice my only child, but he is asking me to sacrifice. As stressed as we are, I feel honored to struggle and sacrifice and give more than I think is possible for this adoption. God is calling me to a season where I am able to much more tangibly grasp this whole concept of adoption. He's drawing me even closer to His heart through allowing us to struggle and for that we are thankful. We really are. I have stopped and really thought hard the past couple days about how loved and cherished I am by my God and have been reminded that the price He payed for me was high and the sacrifice was huge. If I was wealthy and could simply just add a couple zeros to a check I would be missing out on this opportunity to draw closer to the heart of God and wholeheartedly put my faith in Him. 

We have no idea how God will quickly move this mountain but are praying, expecting God to move. And we just know this battle we are fighting to make this child our own will be worth it. Every obstacle we face reminds me that at the end of this we are going to have an awesome reward!! 

So prayers welcome! 

Stay tuned......

Control Freak?

Anybody else a control freak? I never considered myself one, however I think I may be! Because man oh man this 100% complete lack of a timeline for this adoption is starting to get to me! I've also never been much of a planner, but I typically do like to know the number of children I will have in 6 months. Or when i can expect to shell out the chunk of change for our referral fee. I was talking to Lance about putting the girls in Mother's Day out next fall and realized I didn't know if I would be a mommy of two or three at that point (surely 3). As I'm packing away summer clothes and high chairs I don't know what should be sold and what should be set aside. Because we aren't only in the dark about when we will get this child, but we don't know her age either! Do I save bottles? Do I keep out a swing? Who knows?? On the flip side, I know we are incredibly blessed to know we are going to be one of the next families they call and people would kill to be in the single digits on a wait list. But it's kinda hard. I rush to answer EVERY out of area phone call and have gotten stuck taking more surveys and chatting with more recruiters than ever! But we are living in an "any moment our lives could change" bubble and I'm not going to miss that call!!

So we wait. We trust God and we let go. Because there is nothing we can do but pray. So listen closely and if you hear (happy) screaming and crying in the dead of the night we have finally gotten a referral for our third littlest family member! How I love adoption so much and haven't even adopted yet is beyond me, but I LOVE it and am so glad God put us here in this spot and has brought us to (hopefully) the end of this waiting season and the beginning of a beautiful story with a new little Agan to call our own!! 

Stay tuned & please pray that the next out of area call I get isn't someone asking me to rate Nora's last experience at the pediatrician. I'm pretty sure the teenager that conducted the survey thought I was the rudest person ever!! 

And because I must....here is a shot of my little cutie patoots! And I must say they are doing muuuuuuch better this week as far as the whole defiance factor goes. I think my sweeties have returned. :) 

This is how Nora says "cheese"! Head cocked back every time! 

My little toots

My pics posted on top of my text and it's stuck soooo enjoy a few pics of life lately and if you still feel like it there is a post at the bottom. 

I sent this to lance at work. A strangers child has taken residence in my sweet angel Nora this week. She had just slapped me in the face, hard, because I took the crust off her sandwich at the park! I know I look awesome. No makeup, messy hair. Keepin it real! 

Here is MY Nora. We are looking forward to her return! 

Family pic at our church pumpkin patch party. Yes, I am wearing awesome overalls! I'm not so into adult dress up, but agreed to be a farmer! 

Climbing into anything she can! 

Pumped about their 99 cent buckets! 

Meals are currently a bit of a struggle. But we've down away with high chairs and I think it's helping!

My little Zoe Rose enjoying some solo time while we waited for sissy to get up! 

(Now here is the post). 

Sorry for my lack of posting. I've still got a half written vacation post from August AND a birthday post from APRIL that I have yet to finish! With me working two evenings a week and the adoption and ya know, the two toddlers tearing up the casa all day long I feel like it's 10pm before I stop these days! I'm thankful to be busy with my full life, but blogging is definitely taking a backseat right now. I imagine once child three gets here it won't be much better, but maybe so! Here are a few recent pics of my adorable, super hyper, and unfortunately quite defiant munchkins these days. My sister made a great point the other day when I was saying how tired I felt. Mentally more than physically. She said, "having babies isn't hard, being a parent is hard." I think it agree. Sleep deprivation aside, trying to teach tiny people how to be kind and share and accept boundaries with a happy heart is a hard job! We've definitely entered into the phase of fits and defiance and so much climbing. Oh, so much climbing. They are

both sweet to the core, but are definitely learning to push the limits. One significantly more than the other at the moment but she shall remain anonymous! 

My version of a Pinterest project! Flour and water in a bowl with a few hiding toys! Hey, they loved it! 

BREATHE!!!

Just a quick oil update to shout from the rooftops how much we are in LOVE with one particular blend and feel like it is a MUST have in every household! 

BREATHE!

Lance has borderline debilitating seasonal allergies and can't.ever.breathe.

But now we have an almost instant relief. For Lance it just helps kick up his daily allergy medication that he has to take, but for me who just gets stuffy with the seasons changing and junk in the air it's a cure. Literally. I will find myself totally stuffed up and feeling pretty cruddy at the end of the day and a good generous application of this stuff on my chest and I'm breathing clear in 20 minutes. I think it would have the same effect on Lance with more frequent application, but when you sell plumbing equipment for a living it's not always desirable to be walking around smelling like essential oils! ;) 

I will add that Lance has one complaint. It makes his nose runny. Well yes, i'd say that means it's working. I can't say I've had dramatic changes with all my oils yet, but promised to honestly post my experience and I will honestly say you all need to run and grab a bottle of this awesomeness ASAP. Plus, you cannot overdose so unlike traditional meds, you can keep it coming to make sure the effects stay! 

www.mydoterra.com/oilsforethiopia 

Enjoy your new found ability to BREATHE! Even in a place like Houston with crazy, unpredictable weather and wacky seasons!! 

Next up....why I love Lemon! 

Me & Zoe

This will be a quick post, but I want to document. Today was one of the best, sweetest mommy moments I've had yet. For moms of single kids this may be the norm, I don't know, but for us it was special. 

Today Zoe and I ended up all alone on the porch swing. She sat there content with me for at least 30 minutes. She was pointing out all the things she could say (dog, bird, plane) and then pointing to things she didn't know and asking ( in her  version) what things were. She learned the words " ice tea",  "cookie dough" and "swing". Zoe's my talker. 

But we just sat, enjoying each other's company "talking" for half an hour. No other kids around and no distractions and my wild monkey was just happy to be swinging with mommy. Every now and then she would just lay her head on my shoulder and then pop back up and say 

"Mo swing". We just enjoyed the time until she asked to take a bath, which comes out "baka bath" and trotted in the front door. 

Oh how I love her!

It was a good moment! I'm thankful. :) 

Please excuse my lovely hair.