Our trip to Ethiopia in simple terms....

Here is how I've decided to document our journey. There is just no time for me to pour out my heart into these pages right now. So for now, enjoy the cliff notes! 

Got the call. Court date in July. Cloud nine for days. Rushed packing last minute. Of course. Long flight. Lots of candy and movies. Enjoyed every minute of this time with Lance. Arrived in DC for a day. So much fun. Arrived in Ethiopia. There is no where like it. Beautiful country. Beautiful people. Truly unique souls. Obama was in town. Traffic nightmare. Waited in a dusty van for over 4 hours before finally getting to Senas orphanage. Small town. Very busy with lots of people and animals. So many monkeys. So so many monkeys. We suddenly arrive. Just a metal blue door in the middle of all the busyness. We are told this is the orphanage. Exit. We go in. They ask if we are here for Sena. Yes we are. We are told they are preparing her. We wait for 5 minutes in a small room with open windows. You can hear the kids playing and some crying. A pretty nanny in bright pink scrubs appears with a tiny little baby with cornrows and a terrified look. There is our girl. She clings to her nanny for dear life. Not feeling the white strangers one bit. We peel the poor child from her death grip and attempt to calm her. She reluctantly gives it up. Her eyes never do. She's on high alert. We can't believe she is in our arms. We try to take her all in. She is just the cutest. So many years we have waited for this. We feel like the mommy and daddy. Yet we feel out of place here. We don't quite fit in. Everyone is so kind. All the kids are precious. Senas skin looks bad and she has a cold. I am already feeling the mommy instinct to make this better. But I can't. I'm not the mommy yet. We give hugs and go to our lodge. So many monkeys. Explore and enjoy this amazing place and amazing people. Wake up and go see our girl one more time. She's still terrified of us. We have a peace about it. We watch her play with her friends and nannies. She's a loving child. She's been loved and played with and has a little sparkle in her eyes. What a relief. We play and hug and take 700 photos and then we head back to addis for court the next  day. Court comes and goes. We answer a few questions and like that we are officially mama and daddy. We celebrate that night with a traditional Ethiopian meal. Such a fun night. Have I mentioned this country and culture is just so cool? We get sick. Like, really really sick. The rest of our trip is spent in the room. One bathroom. Not many towels. I won't go into detail. But just gross. We fly home. Strange to leave her but we have peace. Still so sick. Again, no details but gross. We get to Toronto for a day layover. It's beautiful. And the sickness is starting to level off. We enjoy the city. Soaking in our last time out for a while just the two of us. We fly home. Our girls are so excited to see us. Nora is a little mad at me. We order Mexican food and eat it as a family on a blanket in the living room. It's so good to be home. We nest. We move room arrangements. We get the call that it's time to return about 4 weeks later. It's game time. I leave with my mom. This departure wasn't pretty. The girls were not excited for mommy to go to Africa again. I get nervous. The reality is setting in. We fly to Dubai. The experience was terrible. I won't say more. We then arrive in Ethiopia. We are greeted by the same warm, beautiful faces. It's raining. The first thing we hear is "welcome back. We go get the children now." Wow. What!? Just like that huh!? We end up going to the hotel first. My mind needed to unwind and I had a few things I wanted to have ready for her. We quickly are on our way. We drove through a beautiful area. We arrive. Her new orphanage is in a sweet little home. A much quieter, cleaner area. We walk in. It smells warm and like life and coffee and children. It's a happy place. Senas lifelong friend who has been with her for a long time is standing at the door waiting for his mama. She is with us. Wow they are all here. They live here. Our stories are finally merging. We are taking them home. Today! A chubby little girl waddles out of a door in the far left corner. Cute as can be and in fresh clean clothes. She's comfortable here. Just wandering around. What's on her head? Holy cow! Now that's a big ring worm. I pick her up. She just stares at me. Her eyes are a million times less scared than they were a month ago. She settles into me quickly. Fearful but peaceful. Only by the grace of God. My mom snaps photos. Things feel much less awkward this time. I'm here to get my baby. We have coffee. We ask the nannies questions. So many questions. We give long hugs. Tears are shed. Lots of bittersweet tears. We say goodbye. My feet can hardly step into the wet grass and move forward. We are taking her away forever. The magnitude of it all is overwhelming. She falls asleep in my arms in the van almost instantly. We drive silently through the Ethiopian night. Windows open. Totally dark. Wind in our hair. Two friends silently holding a new son and new daughter. Not many words are spoken. So much is understood. Surreal. Peaceful. Powerful. Sena clings tight. She didn't let go for days. I was her new person. We go together now. Just like that. We stay with her at the hotel. Lots of playing. Eating. Laughing. This is one funny and smart little girl. She laughs through life. Such joy and resilience. She loves eggs. She loves to play. She loves to communicate. So much personality and life in this new little package of mine. We pack up. We have a stressful time at the airport in addis. We board the plane. I cry as we fly away from Ethiopia. Her home. But no more. We get to Dubai. We sleep hard. We leave the next day to go home. The flight went well with a few nap time freak outs. By both mommy and baby. We finally arrive home. Customs was a slight nightmare. So ready to see lance and my big girls. My mom and I are pretty weary after two days of travel. We finally make it out. All of our most loved ones are there with signs and smiles and love. Support. Encouragement. In awe over Sena. Zoe and Nora meet her. I hug Lance. So many emotions. It's all a bit of a blur. We take photos and then load up. All three of my girls want me to hold them at the same time. I'm sweating and so tired. The reality of the job I'm embarking upon is hitting me quicker than I imagined. We all get loaded into the car. Just like that. Or new sweet pea is in the car. Just like that we head home to start a new chapter. To be continued.....

Halloween 2015

We had SUCH a fun Halloween this year with our girls. Zoe and Nora in particular were super pumped about all of it. We checked the mail box for "Daniel tiger" and the "alligator hat" for weeks leading up to the big day. We also just enjoyed all things Halloween in our neighborhood this month. One of our neighbors had a big inflatable cat and another a giant pumpkin that somehow was named "pumpkin boy". The girls would wait on pins and needles all day asking "mommy did the sun go down!?" "Is the cat and pumpkin boy up!?" Bless them. We've had such a hard time getting out and about the past couple months, they were probably just bored. 

Sena followed the big girls through it all, soaking it all up. She's such a trooper and such a sweet little third child. 

Halloween festivities started with the big girls school party Thursday, church trunk or treating Friday and trick or treating Saturday. The sugar overload was incredible. Nora was up until midnight Saturday just laughing alone in her bed and making crazy sounds. It was pretty funny. But man, three kids under three running crazy with candy!? Who has time to monitor. We chose to just suffer the consequences later which weren't as hard since lance was home to help me greet the overtired, messed up with the time change little monster come Sunday morning bright and early. 

As I watched Sena flow happily through this weekend it really was just so surreal that she is here. Home. Trick or treating like she's been with us forever. Wow. 

Sleepy heads before Mother's Day out (aka my key to sanity twice a week!) 

Aunt Betho and uncle Cody took the girls to the Toyota center to trick or treat in the suites. This picture says it all! I think 4 kids on 2 adults was a biiiit of a challenge with the monster crowds. Thank goodness I didn't come along with Sena like I had planned!!

Little sister dressed as her cute self, Daniel tiger and the alligator at the big school party. 

Beaming with pride. Oh to be an innocent two year old and feel so beautiful and awesome dressed as a tiger and alligator. I'll enjoy these years while they last. One day I'll have three 16 year olds getting ready for Halloween. I shudder to imagine. 

On the way to trunk or treat. 

My three angel gals. 

With our sweet next door neighbor Madeline!

Decorating Halloween cookies before heading out on Halloween. 

So much fun it is to be 2! 

Serious about this. 

By Sunday this was us. Messy hair, no clothes and more playing in the rain! Love them and let's be honest, I LOVE that the crazy candy fest was over. But great memories and fun were had by all! 

The girls asked me today when the next party was. I told them unfortunately not for a few more weeks, but soon we get to have a turkey party. They love a good shindig! 

About coming home...

As we are about to go get our girl I thought I'd inform others of a few specific things we will be doing to transition our little angel into our family. Here is the letter I've sent to our family and friends. 

Dear friends and family,

As we prepare to welcome home our sweet Sena Jane we would like to share with you some unique, specific things that we will be doing as a family to help make her transition to our home as positive as possible. We ask that you please keep her unique circumstances in mind and try to view the world from her perspective as we transition her into her forever family.

Although we love Sena Jane very much, she does not know us. She is not only experiencing new sights, sounds and tastes, but she will be deeply grieving the loss of her caretakers in Ethiopia. This is a loss that will take time to heal. Based on lots of advice and research, the best way to help her little mind heal will be to create a calm, very predictable environment for her for the first several weeks home. She needs to learn that she can trust us. This unfortunately means we will need to limit visitors and large crowds for a while. We need to make sure she feels as secure and safe as possible in this big new world she is in! 

She also needs to learn that Lance and I are her Mommy and Daddy and this will take time as well. In order to begin bonding with her and eventually solidifying to her that we are always and forever her parents, we will need to parent a bit differently than we would with a biological child. Until we see that she has developed a strong attachment to us we ask a few specific things of you all. 

Lance and I will be the only ones meeting any of her basic needs. We will be the ones to feed her, change her, bathe her etc. In addition, we will be the only ones holding her and we ask that you please not reach your arms out towards her to be held. 

Playing with her on the floor with her mommy and daddy present however is just fine! And I know a couple of two year olds that would probably LOVE some extra attention!! 

We saw such a great, loving connection between her and her caretakers and we are hopeful that this means she will be able to easily transfer this attachment over to us. These "rules" although we don't know the timeline, are temporary and are simply what is best for our daughter. We cannot wait for the day that we put her down and she runs back crying for "mommy" and "daddy", but until then we just have to think about what's best for her!

We are so so so thankful for all the love and support of every single one of you guys! Please be patient with us. We are so excited for her to just dive into our awesome community, playgroups and more loving arms than she can count. And when she is ready I'm sure she will have lots of hugs to give out too!! 

Thanks for walking this journey alongside us!

Love,

Lance & Kayla

"Sissy wants iced tea"

I was browsing photos tonight and came across this little gem that was taken a few months ago! I just love this little relationship they have! I hope it continues to grow and get even sweeter! And I wonder how long it will take them to teach Sena Jane about their passion for beverages! 💗💗

Ethiopia day 1:

We left DC mid morning after a lovely 24 hour vacation of sight seeing and yummy food. We were both pretty much on cloud 9, both so excited to meet our little girl and just really enjoying some toddler free time just the two of us!

After a bit of a mad dash to the gate, we boarded the plane. The flight was pretty uneventful, aside from the unfortunate fact that we didn't sleep at all.

We landed in Ethiopia and after getting some things arranged, set off to meet our girl. Unfortunately, Obama was in town this particular day and almost all the roads out of addis were blocked off for security. So we literally couldn't get out of town! I was really chomping at the bit at this point, and was also really starting to feel the 24 hours of no sleep, mixed with the crazy Ethiopian traffic and more exhaust and crazy driving than you can imagine! Our orphanage is in a rural area pretty far away from the main city of Addis. The car ride was no fun and as much as I just wanted to soak in Ethiopia, I was DYING to meet my little Sena Jane! 

About 5 hours later we were finally dropping our stuff off at our hotel and loading back up, toys in hand, to see our girl! 

After driving for what seemed like days earlier in the day, it felt like it was about 30 seconds and they were saying "we are here!" 

So, we got out and waited in a little front office kind of room. The director welcomed us and told me that I had a "face like Sena's" and motioned for us to sit down. They kept yelled out this little back window for a few minutes, periodically telling our translator things like "she is getting dressed" "she is getting a diaper". Then all of a sudden around the corner comes this tiny little baby girl with tiny little braids in her hair. 

All I could think was "she is so little!!" And what's odd is that she isn't little at all. But to me she looked like such a tiny little angel baby, I could hardly take it! 

Like labor, the events to follow were a blur. She was definitely scared of us and clung to her nanny for dear life. We later learned that this was her very favorite nanny. We talked to her and tried to lure her into our arms with a stuffed animal and sweet words. She wasn't sold on us one bit, however she was a trooper and let me hold her. Having that sweet baby finally in my arms is a feeling I can't explain. It just felt like a 1,000 pound weight was lifted off my shoulders. It wasn't going to be today or tomorrow or the next day, but my heart could finally relax knowing she has found her home.

We weren't able to spend all that much time at the orphanage. We played with several kids and were able to see her room and friends. We got in a few more sweet moments with Sena and could see her little personality starting to shine through! It was a great first meeting day! 

We left the orphanage and headed back to the lodge where we were staying. We were asleep in bed by 7:00pm. It was heavenly. We did wake up around 11:30pm to the sound of what had to be AT LEAST 50 monkeys directly above us, in our room with just screens and no fully closing windows, howling and screaming and making more noise than I've ever heard. I was officially pretty freaked out. But what is there to do other than just crank the sound machine up on your phone and pop a couple Tylenol pm. So that is what I did, and luckily my exhaustion won over my terror of the monkeys! 

Stay tuned for day two with our girl! 

No sleep for the mommy who can't find her black skirt!

Last night I slept 45 minutes and honestly that may be a generous estimation. How can a person sleep the night before beginning a journey that began in my heart 12 years ago. We packed up our bags, picked up the house and set our alarms for 4:15am to get to our 7am flight out of IAH on time. 

I was actually pacing the living room until about 12:45am watching episodes of Orange is the new black. Around 1am I layed in bed and easily drifted off to sleep and as I was about to fall asleep I realized I didn't pack my new black skirt. The one I specifically bought for Ethiopia. Oh, and I think I have clothes in the dryer. And DANG I'm not sure if I packed my hair straightener. What bag did I put the converters in? Yes this was my "non" nights sleep! 

But we are currently about to touch down in DC and then get ready to fly straight to Ethiopia tomorrow. We will get into addis around 7:15am and go see our girl!!! 

Tonight I will not be messing with another sleepless night. 9pm bedtime and a healthy dose of unisom for me!! 

And check out Lance in the top picture. Such a sleepy head! 

Me? I think my foot has been tapping this whole flight. I'm pretty sure I'm even typing fast right now!! Eeeeeek!!!!! I will be holding my baby TOMORROW!!!!

Finally in that third trimester.

As I was talking to a friend of mine who is due just about the same day we go to court in Ethiopia, it struck me that it's HERE. Just like her labor is coming, we are about to sit in a court house and promise an Ethiopian judge that we will love this little girl forever. She's then born into our family. Just like that. Fastest labor ever. Well, plus 3 years of waiting and about 62 jillion times more expensive than childbirth, BUT the same end result. A new little Agan baby! 

I'm feeling so lucky that the Lord has allowed us to experience these two different kinds of childbirth. Different, but all with the same ending. All ending is so much love. 

As we get closer to this "due date" I'm so curious about her. This time around I've been looking at a little face frozen in time for months, not a fuzzy ultrasound where you guess who has whose eyes and nose hands. But a little face where you guess "do I see little bottom teeth!?" Or "is that hair as curly as it looks?" I'm also so excited to learn her temperament, to see what her little skin feels like and smell her little head. I'm excited to rock her and sing to her and watch her learn how to be a daughter and sister. 

I don't want to say I'm more excited about this "birth" than I was the others, but it's so different. And in some ways it is more exciting. I know adoption comes with extreme grief and loss and I'm aware that hard times lay ahead. But just like walking into the operating room about to burst with twins, the "what ifs" and anxiety don't even begin to compare to the joy and excited anticipation and the good "what ifs!" Like "what if she loves to be rocked!", "what if her sisters love to help take care of her!", "what if she sleeps peacefully in my arms all night long", "what if she learns to love us quickly!" 

I'm just so flat out excited to meet her. To pick her up and squish that little brown cheek up next to mine and tell her that "Mommy is finally here." That she will never wonder again if she is loved and cherished and chosen. She has found her forever place. No matter which "what ifs" come true. She will be ours. ❤️