Holy waiting misery

So friends here is the deal! We need need need need to get a preliminary date scheduled in Ethiopia. You don't even need to know what that is, but if you could pray that the Lord puts the right papers into the right hands THIS dadgum week I'd be ever so thankful. I am doing my best to endure the wait and am aware that all I can do is pray. So pray I will. But will you as well?

Pray that schedules align, papers get signed and work is done efficiently. 

Please help me pray boldly that we get a preliminary hearing scheduled THIS week!!! This must happen before we can get a court date to travel and get our little one. And a whole whole lot has to happen before August in order for us to travel before the courts close for the summer for rainy season. 

Ok?

Thanks friends! Also if you would comment either on my blog or on Facebook and let me know you prayed it would mean the world to me!! Or a personal message if you are more comfortable. Or not too. Id love to know who our prayer warriors are though!! I am hoping to share all the big things God can do through prayer! 

Love,

A true nutcase at this point 

And because it's so cute! Daddy had the girls alone this weekend and sent this. Love those chubs! 

A smile!!

So since February 13th when we first saw our little angel for the first time, I have been in love! However, I've also had a heavy heart because in every single picture she looks so sad. Really a combination of sad mixed with super ticked off. 

Try seeing pictures of your child, thousands of miles away, crying and sad and being able to do nothing about it. It's not awesome. 

I kind of came to dread the updates because, as much as I loved seeing her grow up and seeing pictures of her sweet face, and gigantic beautiful brown eyes, her face was not happy. And really, I can't quite blame her. As much as I know everything that can be done is being done for her, the truth remains that she lives in an orphanage, an institution. She doesn't have a family to love on her everyday.  

But all that changed Monday. An angel of a friend a bit ahead of us in the process went to Jane's orphanage to meet her own son for the first time. And the result was lots and lots of pictures of a darling, happy little girl perched up on a little ledge with the cutest little smile on her face. She also gave us an actual update on her aside from just weight and height. 

She told us about her temperament and that she was able to stand but wanted to crawl. She even gave us little details like, "they tried to put socks on her and she pulled them right off!" And "she loved to chew on her toys and feed herself yogurt melts." Its the little things in adoption when you are desperate for any tiny morsal of information! I was literally hanging on her every word. 

Obviously I immediately edited the pictures and printed them and then stayed up until 2am rearranging all the decorations in my living room to start a picture wall of our new and improved family. Obviously. 

So until we get that call and hear the wonderful words "so do you want to go to Africa and meet your daughter!?" I will hang onto every last detail of the face of that smiling baby girl. I'll stay up way after the rest of the family is asleep to stare into the playroom and imagine a third little toddler playing and giggling. A third baby girls face popping around the hallway into the living room when she hears Daniel tiger come on and a third messy maniac at the breakfast table. And until we get that amazing call I will pray hard that lots and lots of smiles and hugs happen in her little life while we are apart. 

We love you little Jane Jordan!

2am and pulling very large items off the walls and mapping my plan with computer paper. Lance has joked that since the adoption every morning is a surprise when he walks out of the bedroom. 

Another project that I must admit is not going well. This Annie Sloan chalk paint is not covering this wood well. It's getting quite pricey and taking me FOREVER! But I think I'm getting close! 

Who knows what else will be new if this takes much longer. Next week I'm making table cloths into curtains for the family room. Then I will stop. I think. 

This is us after getting the photos!! Yippee sissy is smiling!! 

Please pray we get that call and are hugging this sweetie by July!!! 

Just a few things...

IIn a nutshell:

1. Our case should be filed in Ethiopia this week! So we are about to be just waiting for a call to say that we have a preliminary hearing scheduled and then a COURT DATE for US! 

2. I'm feeling so much more peace about everything lately. Answer to prayers I am certain. 

3. My current kids are hilarious right now. They are talking so much and hearing what is in their little heads is just about the most hilarious thing ever. 

4. The room sharing is kind of making me go a tad nuts. If they aren't up at 6am they are talking and playing until midnight. Sigh. They are so tired. And on that note Nora LOVES it!! I mean, the girl asks all day if she is going to sleep in Zoe's room again. Zoe is the opposite. She keeps asking that Nora sleep in her old bed and drags me in each time night is approaching to show me the spot. Strange however, because Nora seems to be the perfect little roomie. Zoe is the one instigating the playtime and "chatting" in the wee hours. Who knows!? 

5. If the stars align, we will hopefully be in Ethiopia in July or August to meet our daughter and home by the end of summer. Yes, you heard that right!? Woah nelly!! 

6. I am on a painting kick and can't stop turning things into Annie Sloan chalk paint creations. Nesting? Not sure. 

7. Zoe had a banana split in the car today. I try to make sure I'm saying "yes" to fun stuff with them as much as possible. But this was a case of saying "yes" when I should have said "NO!"

8. 103 & 101 fever (I'm guessing the strep from our cousins has found us) and insane thunder & lightening makes for a night of this. I'm so sad they are sick and probably so tired of the thunder. But the snuggles will never get old!! Oh and the "I need mommy" and "one more song please!" I die. My heart is so full. 

And that's about it for this weeks thoughts! 

Stay tuned....

Transitions

I love me a little change in my life. I always have. I actually became quite notorious back in the day for my tendency to change jobs often, change my hair color often and rearrange my house on a whim when I decided it was time. 

So with all the hype and change in the air surrounding our newest addition, I could feel myself getting totally re energized with all this refreshing CHANGE! 

But you know who doesn't thrive on change? Toddlers! And this mama doesn't like having to watch her little babies adjust to big change either (which is a relative term bc the BIG change is yet to come)! 

But right now we are adding cribs and shifting room assignments and making plans for the big change that is a comin! The girls are on night three of room sharing and the exhaustion hit its peak today when Zoe went down for a morning nap at 8:45am and slept through lunch. My kids nap from 2:30-4 so ya know, just a 6 hour early nap! 

But as I look around this house, move cribs, organize toys, pull back out bottles and little clothes (not that little, sister is huge), I have lots of mixed emotions. I feel beyond joyful that we are finally bringing this baby girl home. Just last night I went into her room and opened up her closet and looked at 4 years worth of things we have collected, been given and saved for her. I saw sweet untouched stuffed animals, lovies and books. I saw a new beginning for a little person who deserves a new beginning. A fresh start. A place she will always call home. A forever stability she has always lacked, complete with more toys and pretty things than any kid needs! I smiled as I imagined my little one in that crib and playing on that floor. But at the same time felt a little sad, this has been Nora's room for almost two years. All the memories in there belong to Nora. The two of us have spent looooots of hours rocking in this exact exact spot. This room belongs to the baby that summoned me in to eat until she was 15 months old! Very near the age in fact of her sister we have yet to meet. 

Sometimes I feel like I'm not ready to move on. In the back of my mind I know God is calling us to a new chapter and I am embracing it with an open heart. But for the first time in my life, I feel like I'm resisting the change. The new dynamic. Not because I don't want it, but (I think) because it scares me. 

What will the days look like? Will I be enough to fill everyone's needs? Three toddlers, one who will be grieving, a husband, friends and family? I just have a hard time looking into this giant question mark of a future! 

It's easy to like change you can control. Change that has no risk. No "what ifs". So this change, like so many things in life will certainly open our hearts, minds, and more than likely make us different on the other end. My prayer is that this next chapter makes us change into people who are more like Jesus. I have a feeling I will get pretty up close and personal with Him even more in the coming months. 

So, let the change begin. I pray God will take this apprehensive heart of mine and gracefully push me off the ledge into this next phase! 

And maybe a post to come soon on my heart as I watch my child grow up across the ocean and the feeble attempt I am exerting trying to manage this stress. Accepting all prayers! 

Keep checking in for what I hope to be exciting news to come! 

Move over people! Three cribs coming though. Oh, and about 50% reduction in humans sleeping during the night at this point! It will get better....it will get better....it will get better! :) 

The truth

The truth is, this waiting is so hard. I didn't know my heart could hurt so bad. This process of adoption has focused my mind on God and His love in such a new and refreshing, comforting, real way. But it doesn't take away the pain of looking at a little person, your daughter, and not being able to hold her. The pain of someone asking how old she is and realizing, "wait, that's not right! 3 months have come and gone." The pain of knowing this time will never be ours. This is just one, two, three, four, five, six......more months she doesn't have a mommy and daddy of her own. Hasn't she been through enough? The pain of being at the mercy of a legal system. That's what it is. A system where your child is a number. If the number gets drawn in time maybe we can shave a few months off her time as an "orphan", but maybe not. The pain of seasons coming and going, but not like in a pregnancy. This person is here in the flesh, on this earth. The pain of wanting to stand on a mountain and yell and make sure people realize that your little girl is still in an orphanage. She still needs her mommy to rock her and sing songs to her and kiss her perfect perfect little button nose. The pain of how alone it feels to not have many real people in the flesh to talk to about being this kind of mommy. Just wanting to sit in a room full of other moms going through the same thing so we can cry and drink wine and just relate.  The pain of each new and exciting step, but the realization once the high wears off that now we start another 5 month process. The fear of not only missing the first birthday, but what about the second? It's just too much sometimes. 

But fear is not of the Lord. I know this. I have faith. Unwavering faith that God will finish what he began for this little girl. But my human side is sad. So sad. I have a whole in my heart that I've never experienced before. Praying for God to fill this space with his love and praying even harder that my little girl feels nothing but the presence of the Lord in her little heart that wears many more holes than mine. 

Thanks for listening sweet friends! 

Kayla 

PAIR letter

We got what I have come to realize is one of the most coveted adoption papers  in the world of Ethiopian Adoptions. Our PAIR letter. This little letter, which I just learned stands for "Pre adoption immigration review", essentially states that we are done with the investigation portion of things on the U.S. side of the process. Y'all, it's all so convoluted and really just a tad much! Anyway, we got the letter this weekend and sent it off to be authenticated today. Again, "authenticated" I don't even know. But I do know it's time to start LITERALLY flooding the gates of heaven with prayers that the next several steps that need to happen happen fast! We now need this letter to be quickly shifted over to Ethiopia so a preliminary hearing can be scheduled with our birth mom in the Ethiopian court system. Not to be confused with the embassy interview she just went to at the U.S. Embassy in Ethiopia. After that we need the department of women's affair (MOWA) to issue a letter on or behalf and then we will get a court date to go to Ethiopia! At this point we will go to Ethiopia and legally take custody of our daughter. We will then return home (you may hear me kicking and screaming all the way back home) for a short time, waiting on all her legal stuff and I will go back to Ethiopia to get her and finally bring her home! 

So here is the big, giant, whopping prayer that I beg of you! 

The courts close in Ethiopia from about August to October for rainy season. If we don't get in before then our case will literally hit a pause button until sometime in October. To say this causes me a bit of angst would be an understatement! So we beg any and all prayer people to pray that we get in before court closures!! 

Thanks for following us on this crazy journey! 

Kayla :)

Just mailed off the letter! I felt like I needed a chaperone double checking everything I put in the package. I was nervous I was gonna mess it up! 

And on the bright side of things, I'm planning to start working on her nursery this weekend. First stop pink walls. Second stop. Clouds!! ⛅️⛅️

Totally different from Z & N's room. And while we are on that subject. Someone please come force me to start the "Zoe and Nora share a room again" transition. I separated them at about 6 months and cringe at the thought of the sleepless nights we may all have in store if I put them back together. 

And because I can't help it........

Is everything about this picture not the cutest!? The lovie, paci, pig tails, face paint, star on her arm. The dirty car seat however is real bad and I'm just now noticing, ha! But oh how I love this sweet angel! 

This one too, but car sleep isn't her thing! 

Just a few pictures

This week in pictures....

Monday: Drove into town with these two to pick up some testing materials for work. Home health is awesome and has allowed me to stay home with the girls, BUT when I have to evaluate new kids it's a whole day ordeal getting ready! And we ended this outing with McDonald's out of desperation. And since my kids don't eat bread, they munched on nasty floppy bread less hamburger patties in the back seat! It's easier to skin a burger than a chicken nugget so we made due! :/

Tuesday: Nora had to get a booster shot (Long story) and I promised her that we would get ice cream after! However, we had a battle of the shoes issue and so we had to drive through. But we were about 20 minutes from home soooo we ate ice cream in the car. They did surprisingly well! And no, we don't eat fast food everyday. :) 

Wednesday: we had a play date and happily melted out on the back porch for a few hours with friend! Zoe sported her grill paci for much of the morning! 

Thursday: we were introduced to body wash and happily practiced on our sister!

 

Friday: woke up to a flat tire, however we were all dressed and ready with snacks in tow for an activity. So, we decided to head to the zoo after triple AAA left. So much fun! 

Saturday the girls went out with Lance and Cody for the evening. I told lance all I wanted for Mother's Day was to have all my chores and stuff done so I could just chill. So the guys took all the kids out from like 4-7:30. It was amazing. And I had a veeeeeery rare several hours alone in the house to get stuff done without kiddos! And ok, Zoe in that first pic! Hot mess!

And there's a tiny snap shot of our week! Don't worry, we did much more than is pictured, but I like documenting these little things from time to time! 

Happy Mother's Day!!