This age, 18 months, is so far the most exhausting and equally the best age yet. I don't have time for a long post but will quickly update. 

At their 18m check:

Nora was in the 92% across the board. She lost 2 pounds since her last check up and I can only assume it's because she has one speed and that's running! Nora is keeping us on our toes. She's hilarious and so full of personality. She's an individual that's for sure, and continues to march to the beat of her own drum. She can be a handful with her strong will, but I also don't think a person has ever loved or needed me more than my sweet Nora. She can get quite worked up over things, but loves to rock and rock and rock. Every night she says "mama wanna rock" and it is so sweet. Our favorite nighttime activity is letting her lay on her back on my legs while we rock and I massage her little head with lavender oil. She LOVES it! She's smart, expressive, hyper, dramatic, sweet a crazy dancer and such a joy!! We love you Nora Beth!!

Zoe Rose was in the 92% for weight, 89% for head and 100% for height. So a little more varied than sissy! She also lost 2 pounds and I assume it's for the same reason. She is on the go! It's funny to speak in terms of "lost" with her because she still seems so chubby! Zoe is so so so sweet. I can't say it enough. There isn't a mean or confrontational bone in her little body. Her sweet hugs and kisses make you wanna cry they are so sweet. She loves to share and always wants to make sure Nora has what she has. She loves to take her sissy snacks and toys and her lovies. She is a TALKER and rarely stops talking. Literally. Sometimes, as much as I adore her, the constant chatter right off the bat in the morning is a bit much. But she is such a smart girl and I love hearing her thoughts in words now. She's smart, loud, sweet, also dramatic and loves her family. Zoe Rose we can't imagine life without you! 

And third baby girl. We know nothing about you. We don't know your age or what is happening in your little life right now. It's not easy for Mommy. But we are praying for our paths to cross very soon! We love you so much already too. We truly do!

Happy half way through the week everyone! 

Twins!?

The most recent picture I've taken of my children REALLY just really proves they do NOT look like twins! Really, not even siblings. Zoe is getting more and more fair, eyes couldn't be more blue and hair couldn't be more blonde! Nora is getting more of an olive tone to her skin everyday, that dark brown hair is here to stay and her amazing eyes are so dark brown. A brown I've only seen in one other person. Her daddy. 

I told Lance it looks like two little best friends that asked their moms to dress them alike. 

Both perfect in their own blonde and brunette kinda ways! Love it. 

Saturday

Nesting!? Maybe!? 

Just kidding of course. Can you be adoption nesting!? I'll make myself feel better by saying this urge to clean is a sign of an impending referral. But really I have been dying to confine the girls things to ONE spot, or at least give it a good home base that it can return to every evening! So tonight that was my mission!

Shelves will be coming tomorrow and our guest room/playroom is now only a playroom! Yay! We've also made the guest bathroom their bathroom again and moved any of their big items out of all common areas! 

I love those little munchkins more than anything but in spite of my best efforts they were truly taking over our house and it feels so good to not see toys everywhere you look now! 

And slightly unrelated, but how is it 11:30pm on Saturday night already!? The weekends just fly by at lightening speed! We try to relax and just enjoy our family time, but there really is just so much to do sometimes, there's really no choice but to work work work in between twin toddler fun! :) 

 

We did enjoy some chilly fun at a great park this morning with the cousins, I was able to finish multiple cups of coffee while still hot and I got in a nice long bath so the day was definitely a success even if we were busy! 

Enjoy some pics of the kiddos at the park. No one would really cooperate but they are still cute! 

Zoe relaxing in the giant handicap swing 

Sissy chillin 

Fun with daddy! Nora has been in such a mommy phase lately and I'm so glad she decided her fun daddy was her friend again! Poor dad! 

My super cheeser! She loves a good photo op!

Posting up on some stumps.

All The kids rocking the rocker house. I'm guessing Betho is saying "No Levi, no more coffee!" 

So much drama is such a small person! Heaven forbid we ask her to stop for 2 sec. :) 

Enjoying the cold breeze. Bethany's hat/scarf get up KILLS me! I'm still laughing as I type this. No shame. 

NOT that I look any better! 4/4 adults rolled out of bed and headed to the park!

Sweet big big. Not sure what I'm doing in Nora's hat in the bottom of this pic!? 

Nora catching some rays! 

Before. Does this not make you anxious!? 

After! Can't wait to get shelves tomorrow and finish this up!! 

Enjoy the rest of your weekend friends! And please continue to keep our family in your prayers. We are still waiting and praying for Gods perfect plan regarding some of our adoption road bumps. I recently was listening to a very familiar song about waiting on the Lord and the verse "I will move ahead bold and confident, taking every step in obedience" stuck out to me. We don't know how we are going to accomplish this but we are going to move ahead, bold and confident, taking every step in obedience. God will bless what He has called us to do, I just know it. :) 

It is well

My cousin called me today to share this song. I downloaded it and have been playing it all day. I think these words can speak to all of us in different ways and for different reasons. Such a great song! 

http://youtu.be/Txg5nOIZYO8

Really fun day

Today was such a fun day. Exactly what I needed to take my mind off some of the stressful adoption stuff! 

Ever since I can remember I've said "I can't wait to have a daughter and take her to the American Girl Doll store someday!" Kinda strange I guess but I just loved my Molly doll so much and felt so special when I got her and always wanted to have little girls and do the same! Well the other day at my aunts house my mom saw first hand how much the girls LOVE and I mean LOVE realistic looking babies. They will play with them, feed them, rock them and even crawl around on the floor "crying" with them for a looooong time! So we decided a little

Christmas scouting trip was order! "Mommy clause" isn't likely getting them an American Girl doll quite yet, but "Mimi clause" just may. I'll hold out and get them Kirstin and Molly later! :) 

But the girls were in heaven. Dolls are where they are definitely showing an interest right now and their little minds were blown. They had a blast and got their little dolls all set up in a stroller and cruised around like they owned the place. When we told Zoe it was time to go she got her doll out and tucked her under her arm all ready to go with her new best friend! Thankfully telling her the baby had to go "night night" did the trick. 

After that we headed to the awesome indoor toddler at area at this mall and then finished our fun morning off at California Pizza kitchen. This was our first time here with the girls so we had to do our soy/nut/wheat/egg investigation. But after sending the waiter back to the kitchen about three times we deemed it a safe place and the girls and Mimi and I devoured some yummy hummus and gluten free cheese pizza. Yummy!! And PTL for the gluten free options everywhere now! People like us are SO thankful! 

After naps my mom came back over to bring the girls some warm Jammie's. Can we say nicest person ever!? And then she offered to drive us all to Starbucks. I'm pretty sure she could sense that I have been struggling a bit and I must say this day was SO good for my soul!!!!! Nothing like great company all day and someone loving on your kiddos! Seriously, most refreshing thing ever. 

Looking very forward to having THREE girlfriends to take on outings like this soon! I mean, SO excited!!!!

Enjoy some pics of the girliest girls around! :)

Nora wore her raincoat all night until we forced it off for the bath. Hood & all! 

Our newest game. The girls ask me "mommy snow!?" And we throw cotton balls all over the house. Ha! Lance walked in from work thrilled to see another blizzard had blown through. ;)

My sweet Zoe waiting for lunch.

Big girls!

The pictures don't do it justice but the play place at this mall was amazing!!

Nora found a little hole perfect for her!

Zoe in her happy place!

Nora too.

She grabbed every doll she saw and started hugging it and was pulling everything off the shelves faster than we could put them back!

Little mama.

Zoe loving her baby! 

New best friend! Hopefully she's good so Santa will come! 😃

The Good, The Bad, and the God bigger than all of it!

So we were given some disheartening news regarding our adoption and adoption in general in Ethiopia. The situation in Ethiopia is pretty complex and I won't go into too much detail. But in a very concise nutshell the government in Ethiopia is now focused on keeping the kids in country and exhausting all means possible with international adoption being the last resort. I think it's an honorable mission, however as of now it only seems to be keeping a majority of the kids in the orphanages much longer while they process paperwork and attempt domestic placement. The reduced number of referrals (kids getting matched for adoption) coupled with NO reduction in the amount of kids in the orphanage are putting the orphanages in crisis financially. If I understand correctly, the fees payed through adoption (the referral fee you pay when you are matched with a child) are a high source of support for the orphanages and with such a slow down in referrals the funds to support the orphanages and the children simply aren't there. It seems the number of children in the orphanages continues to be the same but the resources to keep them there aren't. 

So here is the difficult news for us. And I will preface it by saying that I completely trust our agency and believe they continue to do everything they can to keep costs as low as possible. But we have known throughout this entire process that our last big payment would be our referral fee. We have been preparing for about a year to come up with what was expected to be our last fee. We would owe $9,500 in order to be matched with a child. We were almost there with about $6,000 and confident that we would be able to fundraiser and save to get the remaining $3,500 in time for our referral, and if not would hope to qualify for a grant of some type to help with the reminding costs & subsequent airfare (we have to go to Ethiopia twice). 

Well, yesterday we got an email informing us that in order for our agency to remain in partnership with orphanages in Ethiopia our fees we must have in order to be matched with a child have gone from $9,500 to $15,200. We must have this money on hand in order to say yes to a child when we finally get that call! As in we cannot accept a match without every penny then and there! 

We are prayerful and hopeful but also heartbroken. This seems like a completely insurmountable amount of money to us. However, God has continued to provide the finances needed for this adoption and I have to believe He will continue to do so now.

We are praying hard about several things and more than anything beg you guys to partner in prayer with us. God has placed some potential work opportunities in front of me and we are being prayerful about whether or not me returning to work on a part time basis for a season is where God is leading us. We just aren't sure yet.

 We have been told that although an exact timeline is impossible, that it's realistic to assume we could be matched with a child before the end of the year. So yes THAT IS CAUSE TO CELEBRATE but time is simply not on our side!

As I was praying Monday after initially being in tears over this email and what I thought may be the end of our journey in Ethiopia, I very clearly heard God speak to me. I heard Him remind me what was sacrificed and paid for me to be adopted! God isn't asking me to sacrifice my only child, but he is asking me to sacrifice. As stressed as we are, I feel honored to struggle and sacrifice and give more than I think is possible for this adoption. God is calling me to a season where I am able to much more tangibly grasp this whole concept of adoption. He's drawing me even closer to His heart through allowing us to struggle and for that we are thankful. We really are. I have stopped and really thought hard the past couple days about how loved and cherished I am by my God and have been reminded that the price He payed for me was high and the sacrifice was huge. If I was wealthy and could simply just add a couple zeros to a check I would be missing out on this opportunity to draw closer to the heart of God and wholeheartedly put my faith in Him. 

We have no idea how God will quickly move this mountain but are praying, expecting God to move. And we just know this battle we are fighting to make this child our own will be worth it. Every obstacle we face reminds me that at the end of this we are going to have an awesome reward!! 

So prayers welcome! 

Stay tuned......

Control Freak?

Anybody else a control freak? I never considered myself one, however I think I may be! Because man oh man this 100% complete lack of a timeline for this adoption is starting to get to me! I've also never been much of a planner, but I typically do like to know the number of children I will have in 6 months. Or when i can expect to shell out the chunk of change for our referral fee. I was talking to Lance about putting the girls in Mother's Day out next fall and realized I didn't know if I would be a mommy of two or three at that point (surely 3). As I'm packing away summer clothes and high chairs I don't know what should be sold and what should be set aside. Because we aren't only in the dark about when we will get this child, but we don't know her age either! Do I save bottles? Do I keep out a swing? Who knows?? On the flip side, I know we are incredibly blessed to know we are going to be one of the next families they call and people would kill to be in the single digits on a wait list. But it's kinda hard. I rush to answer EVERY out of area phone call and have gotten stuck taking more surveys and chatting with more recruiters than ever! But we are living in an "any moment our lives could change" bubble and I'm not going to miss that call!!

So we wait. We trust God and we let go. Because there is nothing we can do but pray. So listen closely and if you hear (happy) screaming and crying in the dead of the night we have finally gotten a referral for our third littlest family member! How I love adoption so much and haven't even adopted yet is beyond me, but I LOVE it and am so glad God put us here in this spot and has brought us to (hopefully) the end of this waiting season and the beginning of a beautiful story with a new little Agan to call our own!! 

Stay tuned & please pray that the next out of area call I get isn't someone asking me to rate Nora's last experience at the pediatrician. I'm pretty sure the teenager that conducted the survey thought I was the rudest person ever!! 

And because I must....here is a shot of my little cutie patoots! And I must say they are doing muuuuuuch better this week as far as the whole defiance factor goes. I think my sweeties have returned. :) 

This is how Nora says "cheese"! Head cocked back every time!