The Good, The Bad, and the God bigger than all of it!

So we were given some disheartening news regarding our adoption and adoption in general in Ethiopia. The situation in Ethiopia is pretty complex and I won't go into too much detail. But in a very concise nutshell the government in Ethiopia is now focused on keeping the kids in country and exhausting all means possible with international adoption being the last resort. I think it's an honorable mission, however as of now it only seems to be keeping a majority of the kids in the orphanages much longer while they process paperwork and attempt domestic placement. The reduced number of referrals (kids getting matched for adoption) coupled with NO reduction in the amount of kids in the orphanage are putting the orphanages in crisis financially. If I understand correctly, the fees payed through adoption (the referral fee you pay when you are matched with a child) are a high source of support for the orphanages and with such a slow down in referrals the funds to support the orphanages and the children simply aren't there. It seems the number of children in the orphanages continues to be the same but the resources to keep them there aren't. 

So here is the difficult news for us. And I will preface it by saying that I completely trust our agency and believe they continue to do everything they can to keep costs as low as possible. But we have known throughout this entire process that our last big payment would be our referral fee. We have been preparing for about a year to come up with what was expected to be our last fee. We would owe $9,500 in order to be matched with a child. We were almost there with about $6,000 and confident that we would be able to fundraiser and save to get the remaining $3,500 in time for our referral, and if not would hope to qualify for a grant of some type to help with the reminding costs & subsequent airfare (we have to go to Ethiopia twice). 

Well, yesterday we got an email informing us that in order for our agency to remain in partnership with orphanages in Ethiopia our fees we must have in order to be matched with a child have gone from $9,500 to $15,200. We must have this money on hand in order to say yes to a child when we finally get that call! As in we cannot accept a match without every penny then and there! 

We are prayerful and hopeful but also heartbroken. This seems like a completely insurmountable amount of money to us. However, God has continued to provide the finances needed for this adoption and I have to believe He will continue to do so now.

We are praying hard about several things and more than anything beg you guys to partner in prayer with us. God has placed some potential work opportunities in front of me and we are being prayerful about whether or not me returning to work on a part time basis for a season is where God is leading us. We just aren't sure yet.

 We have been told that although an exact timeline is impossible, that it's realistic to assume we could be matched with a child before the end of the year. So yes THAT IS CAUSE TO CELEBRATE but time is simply not on our side!

As I was praying Monday after initially being in tears over this email and what I thought may be the end of our journey in Ethiopia, I very clearly heard God speak to me. I heard Him remind me what was sacrificed and paid for me to be adopted! God isn't asking me to sacrifice my only child, but he is asking me to sacrifice. As stressed as we are, I feel honored to struggle and sacrifice and give more than I think is possible for this adoption. God is calling me to a season where I am able to much more tangibly grasp this whole concept of adoption. He's drawing me even closer to His heart through allowing us to struggle and for that we are thankful. We really are. I have stopped and really thought hard the past couple days about how loved and cherished I am by my God and have been reminded that the price He payed for me was high and the sacrifice was huge. If I was wealthy and could simply just add a couple zeros to a check I would be missing out on this opportunity to draw closer to the heart of God and wholeheartedly put my faith in Him. 

We have no idea how God will quickly move this mountain but are praying, expecting God to move. And we just know this battle we are fighting to make this child our own will be worth it. Every obstacle we face reminds me that at the end of this we are going to have an awesome reward!! 

So prayers welcome! 

Stay tuned......

Control Freak?

Anybody else a control freak? I never considered myself one, however I think I may be! Because man oh man this 100% complete lack of a timeline for this adoption is starting to get to me! I've also never been much of a planner, but I typically do like to know the number of children I will have in 6 months. Or when i can expect to shell out the chunk of change for our referral fee. I was talking to Lance about putting the girls in Mother's Day out next fall and realized I didn't know if I would be a mommy of two or three at that point (surely 3). As I'm packing away summer clothes and high chairs I don't know what should be sold and what should be set aside. Because we aren't only in the dark about when we will get this child, but we don't know her age either! Do I save bottles? Do I keep out a swing? Who knows?? On the flip side, I know we are incredibly blessed to know we are going to be one of the next families they call and people would kill to be in the single digits on a wait list. But it's kinda hard. I rush to answer EVERY out of area phone call and have gotten stuck taking more surveys and chatting with more recruiters than ever! But we are living in an "any moment our lives could change" bubble and I'm not going to miss that call!!

So we wait. We trust God and we let go. Because there is nothing we can do but pray. So listen closely and if you hear (happy) screaming and crying in the dead of the night we have finally gotten a referral for our third littlest family member! How I love adoption so much and haven't even adopted yet is beyond me, but I LOVE it and am so glad God put us here in this spot and has brought us to (hopefully) the end of this waiting season and the beginning of a beautiful story with a new little Agan to call our own!! 

Stay tuned & please pray that the next out of area call I get isn't someone asking me to rate Nora's last experience at the pediatrician. I'm pretty sure the teenager that conducted the survey thought I was the rudest person ever!! 

And because I must....here is a shot of my little cutie patoots! And I must say they are doing muuuuuuch better this week as far as the whole defiance factor goes. I think my sweeties have returned. :) 

This is how Nora says "cheese"! Head cocked back every time! 

My little toots

My pics posted on top of my text and it's stuck soooo enjoy a few pics of life lately and if you still feel like it there is a post at the bottom. 

I sent this to lance at work. A strangers child has taken residence in my sweet angel Nora this week. She had just slapped me in the face, hard, because I took the crust off her sandwich at the park! I know I look awesome. No makeup, messy hair. Keepin it real! 

Here is MY Nora. We are looking forward to her return! 

Family pic at our church pumpkin patch party. Yes, I am wearing awesome overalls! I'm not so into adult dress up, but agreed to be a farmer! 

Climbing into anything she can! 

Pumped about their 99 cent buckets! 

Meals are currently a bit of a struggle. But we've down away with high chairs and I think it's helping!

My little Zoe Rose enjoying some solo time while we waited for sissy to get up! 

(Now here is the post). 

Sorry for my lack of posting. I've still got a half written vacation post from August AND a birthday post from APRIL that I have yet to finish! With me working two evenings a week and the adoption and ya know, the two toddlers tearing up the casa all day long I feel like it's 10pm before I stop these days! I'm thankful to be busy with my full life, but blogging is definitely taking a backseat right now. I imagine once child three gets here it won't be much better, but maybe so! Here are a few recent pics of my adorable, super hyper, and unfortunately quite defiant munchkins these days. My sister made a great point the other day when I was saying how tired I felt. Mentally more than physically. She said, "having babies isn't hard, being a parent is hard." I think it agree. Sleep deprivation aside, trying to teach tiny people how to be kind and share and accept boundaries with a happy heart is a hard job! We've definitely entered into the phase of fits and defiance and so much climbing. Oh, so much climbing. They are

both sweet to the core, but are definitely learning to push the limits. One significantly more than the other at the moment but she shall remain anonymous! 

My version of a Pinterest project! Flour and water in a bowl with a few hiding toys! Hey, they loved it! 

BREATHE!!!

Just a quick oil update to shout from the rooftops how much we are in LOVE with one particular blend and feel like it is a MUST have in every household! 

BREATHE!

Lance has borderline debilitating seasonal allergies and can't.ever.breathe.

But now we have an almost instant relief. For Lance it just helps kick up his daily allergy medication that he has to take, but for me who just gets stuffy with the seasons changing and junk in the air it's a cure. Literally. I will find myself totally stuffed up and feeling pretty cruddy at the end of the day and a good generous application of this stuff on my chest and I'm breathing clear in 20 minutes. I think it would have the same effect on Lance with more frequent application, but when you sell plumbing equipment for a living it's not always desirable to be walking around smelling like essential oils! ;) 

I will add that Lance has one complaint. It makes his nose runny. Well yes, i'd say that means it's working. I can't say I've had dramatic changes with all my oils yet, but promised to honestly post my experience and I will honestly say you all need to run and grab a bottle of this awesomeness ASAP. Plus, you cannot overdose so unlike traditional meds, you can keep it coming to make sure the effects stay! 

www.mydoterra.com/oilsforethiopia 

Enjoy your new found ability to BREATHE! Even in a place like Houston with crazy, unpredictable weather and wacky seasons!! 

Next up....why I love Lemon! 

Me & Zoe

This will be a quick post, but I want to document. Today was one of the best, sweetest mommy moments I've had yet. For moms of single kids this may be the norm, I don't know, but for us it was special. 

Today Zoe and I ended up all alone on the porch swing. She sat there content with me for at least 30 minutes. She was pointing out all the things she could say (dog, bird, plane) and then pointing to things she didn't know and asking ( in her  version) what things were. She learned the words " ice tea",  "cookie dough" and "swing". Zoe's my talker. 

But we just sat, enjoying each other's company "talking" for half an hour. No other kids around and no distractions and my wild monkey was just happy to be swinging with mommy. Every now and then she would just lay her head on my shoulder and then pop back up and say 

"Mo swing". We just enjoyed the time until she asked to take a bath, which comes out "baka bath" and trotted in the front door. 

Oh how I love her!

It was a good moment! I'm thankful. :) 

Please excuse my lovely hair. 

Oils I am recommending :)

Recommended Oil Blends: 

Hey there oil interested ones! Based on feedback I've gotten, personal use, and a long weekend spent with friends where everyone stole borrowed my oils ;) ;) I have researched AWAY and come up with a list that I think is best for women and particularly mommies and kiddos. You can go crazy and spend a ton or just pick and choose based on your needs and in my opinion still come out with some pretty dramatic life changes. Just simply using lavendar has been HUGE for our family. It helps the girls sleep, helps me relax at night and really helps Nora with her skin issues. Peppermint is what I rub on my temples and forhead every morning and will without a doubt do it for the rest of my life. It is literally a breath of fresh air and wakes me up every morning. Lance (the skeptic) swears by deep blue for sore muscles and commented for days about how "this stuff actually works"I am still learning, but I can honestly say every oil we try is better than the last.
 

If you are interested in seeing the full list of what doterra offers please browse the site. I just wanted to try to take out a little leg work! :)

www.mydoterra.com/oilsforethiopia 

Balance $26.26

Everyone experiences moments of disconnectedness or anxiety. The warm, woody aroma of Balance, dōTERRA®'s grounding blend, creates a sense of calm and well-being. We perfectly blend spruce, rosewood, frankincense, and blue tansy with fractionated coconut oil to offer an enticing fragrance which promotes tranquility and a sense of balance. For aromatic or topical use.

Immortelle $92.67 (EXPENSIVE….but wow seems awesome!)

A beautiful blend of powerful essential oils, Immortelle Anti-Aging Blend is formulated to protect and nourish skin while helping to reduce inflammation―a major contributor to the aging process. Supporting skin health at the cellular level, these essential oils sustain smoother, more radiant and youthful skin.

Past Tense $24.67

PastTense®, dōTERRA®'s proprietary blend for tension and the discomforts associated with headaches, provides calming comfort with the strength of CPTG® essential oils of wintergreen, lavender, peppermint, frankincense, cilantro, marjoram, roman chamomile, basil, and rosemary. Packaged for convenient application in a roll-on bottle. For aromatic and topical use.

Serenity $40.00

Stress is a major contributor to illness and disease, in fact, it is estimated that more than 90% of all visits to health care professionals are related to stress. Serenity is a blend composed of individual oils with known calming properties which create a sense of well-being and relaxation. Lavender, sweet marjoram, roman chamomile, ylang ylang, sandalwood and vanilla bean create a subtle aroma ideal for aromatic diffusion or topical application. Applied to the bottom of the feet at bedtime, dōTERRA®'s Serenity is an excellent way to promote restful sleep. Added to a warm bath Serenity creates the perfect escape with its peaceful, renewing fragrance. For topical or aromatic use.

ClaryCalm $32.67

ClaryCalm� is a proprietary blend of Certified Pure Therapeutic Grade essential oils that have been traditionally used to balance hormones and manage symptoms of PMS and the transitional phases of menopause. A topical blend of clary sage, lavender, bergamot, Roman chamomile, cedarwood, ylang ylang, geranium, fennel, carrot seed, palmarosa and vitex, ClaryCalm� provides temporary respite from cramps, nausea, hot flashes, and the emotional swings sometimes associated with regular hormone cycles in women.

InTune $46.00

InTune is a proprietary blend of amyris, patchouli, frankincense, lime, ylang ylang, sandalwood, Roman chamomile essential oils, carefully selected for their ability to enhance focus and support healthy thought processes. This blend helps those who have difficulty paying attention to stay on task and sustain focus.

Intro Kit with CD $153.00

The Introductory Kit with CD 6 pack is ideal for anyone who is eager to share with friends and family. These beautifully packaged kits make great gifts and will introduce beginners to the benefits of dōTERRA®'s CPTG Certified Pure Therapeutic Grade essential oils. With 5 ml bottles of Lavender, Lemon, and Peppermint included, beginners will quickly become essential oil enthusiasts after learning how to incorporate these oils into their daily health routine.

Family Physicians Kit $166.00

The Family Physician® Kit is a collection of ten nurturing essential oils, including six single oils and four blends. The stunning box includes tips for using the oils, as well as an audio CD featuring dōTERRA®'s Chief Medical Officer, Dr. David K. Hill. In this audio presentation, Dr. Hill teaches listeners how to care for their family's everyday health needs with simple and safe methods using the ten essential oils included in this kit. Includes 5 ml bottles of Lavender, Lemon, Peppermint, Melaleuca, Oregano, Frankincense, Deep Blue®, Breathe, DigestZen®, and On Guard to help families address a multitude of health issues.

Up at 11:48.

I just gazed over at the clock and realized its 11:48pm. I pretty much run on coffee all the live long day because I'm always tired, but for some reason it's worth it to have the alone time in my dark house! So most nights I am up. And what am I always doing you may wonder? Well, lately I am thinking about our adoption, praying about our adoption and imagining life as a family of five. I think in some ways it's like being pregnant. You can't sleep even though you are exhausted and instead you just stay up and imagine life with this new unknown person. You go from overjoyed to "oh my gosh, what on earth will life be like with another one!?" and then back to overjoyed and then to "how will I ever love another baby as much as the two I have!?" and then back to overjoyed! You get the picture! I would ask if this was normal, but I know that it is. Most of my friends are on kid two, three or four by now so I am resting easy knowing I'm not a crazy person and we've all been there! 

BUT, been there or not adding another human to your family is CRAZY! And not just crazy because this little human will be coming from another country and will be the product of some hard stuff, but also because we are ADDING another person! When I put the whole adoption stuff out of mind, stop obsessing over fundraising and all the "what ifs" and just think about waking up each morning and changing three diapers, doing breakfast for three little people and then mommying THREE babes all day actually it gives me a tad bit of anxiety. Like anxiety about logistics. Like, I spend a LOT of time with a baby in each arm. I don't have a third arm. Just saying. On the flip side however, even if we were matched with a baby tomorrow we wouldn't have her home for the better part of 8 months SO two children or three I think my days of carrying around Z & N all the time will be done. But still. Crazy. Good crazy, but crazy nonetheless! 

But on the flip side of the anxiety, I think of Z & N having a sister. I think of cheering over this new little one pointing to her nose and eyes and ears when we ask here to "find them" and waving hi and bye for the first time and I die of excitement! I think of having a new little bundle to rock at night, likely right around the time my current two will be about over mommy rocking them at night, and I die. So happy. I think about how hard it might be, but I also think about how much we will cherish every hug and smile and embrace because it will probably be a journey for all of us. Yes, I am anxious. But I am so excited too! 

We don't know when we will be matched, but I mailed off every last update and even got the final draft of our homestudy today. Which is a story in itself. They were, ummmm, quite generous with their adaptation of our family! That or God really stepped in! I think it's the ladder, because I was astonished at how well the girls were during the homestudy. I truly think it was the best behaved they have ever been a day in their lives. Almost the second the social worker left they both ran outside in their beautiful little smocked outfits and jumped into the water table and then Zoe pushed Nora off into the mud and both started screaming. Yes, that's real life but man I am so happy that wasn't in the report! 

But once that homestudy makes it's way across the country into the right hands we are a family waiting for "the call". So starting in about a week I will likely never have my phone more than a foot away from me! And as SO very sad as it is that once we are matched we will still be separated from our child for 8+ months, it's probably going to be a blessing that we are going to have about the length of a pregnancy to get our act together! 

If you could please be praying for:

1. Wisdom for me as I learn how to parent my current two while trying to keep all this adoption stuff afloat

2. Fundraising. I think money was meant to be stressful. Pray that we can find a way to cover the rest of our costs that are still well over $15,000. Yikes! 

3. Pray for our daughter. We don't know if she is born yet or not. But I would venture to say someone is pregnant with her right now at the very least. So much to pray for here, and so much loss to come for her and her family. It's hard for me to even know what to pray. So I just pray for her and her sweet mommy. I just know she has a sweet mommy and my heart breaks for her. 

So there ya have it. My thoughts at 11:48 now turned 12:18! I'm officially going to bed!

Night night! :)