Sick

I typically spend the evening running around cleaning up, showering and hanging with Lance. But ya know what's nearly impossible? Having two toddlers while being sick. So tonight I am literally not moving, because honestly I can't. Ha! 

So I have had an extra couple hours on my hands so I have spent some time praying, thinking about and wishing wishing wishing for our next baby girl. I don't want to sound selfish. I mean, I already have two perfect little girls, why do I deserve another? I don't. But man, do we long for this little angel. 

And if I'm being honest I am kind of feeling a little bit sad too. Sad about the long wait, sad about how hard it's been financially for Lance to try to figure this out for us and just kinda all mixed up with emotions! I am working hard to just say "ok God you have this." But honestly, it's been a daily battle for me to not start to second guess if God is putting so many road blocks in our way to close the door on the whole thing. I know that's irrational. I know it's Satan. But I just feel like we are coming to an adoption stress peak! Which I am hoping means we are closer than ever to finally seeing this little beauties face. 

So I am admitting that my faith is weak right now and believing it will become stronger, as I remember that the one who is in control of this whole thing has seen this little ones life from start to finish already and is sovereignty over all if this! 

We heard God telling us to adopt a daughter years ago. More clearly than ever. So even my weak faith, and wavering emotions can rest in that! 

So I am pushing the negativity out and moving forward with only positive thoughts!!

Happy weekend everyone!!