Jane.

I thought I would post my current thoughts on our adoption. It helps me to blog about feelings/fears and just general thoughts currently bouncing around in my brain from time to time.

Honestly, my feelings towards our adoption are still wonderful! Do I yawn just thinking of waking up multiple times a night when I just started getting some, key word some, sleep? Yes! Do I sometimes cringe just a tad at the thought of being driven back into our home for the bonding period after finally being able to comfortably venture out with my current two? Absolutely! Do I fear the change in dynamic? For sure! Do I worry about the unknown, genetic differences, and lack of medical history or knowledge? Sometimes I still do.

But as I was expressing this to Lance tonight we were going through scenarios of timelines and what it will look like with Z & N not being only children, and just talking through fears and concerns we couldn't stop smiling when we thought about HER! I would be straight up lying if I said having these two baby girls in my life hasn't made the adoption a bit more scary. It's been a huge mental change, requiring me to seriously have to stop and wrap my mind around this reality, 3 kids, not just 1! Two babies very very set in a routine and schedule and none to fond of their mom even walking into the other room. Will there be enough of me for all of them? I am responsible for protecting them. How will this affect them? It was one thing for Lance and I to dive into this, but they didn't have a say. But when we talk about this baby girl, she is ours. She is a part of us. I can't really describe it. But as scary as it can seem at times, it doesn't compare to how scary it seems NOT to get her.

This is a true fact. As I was praying through this today,  I asked God to show me what I needed to see. To give me encouragement and confidence in this choice we made so long ago. I opened up my bible and this was starting me in the face, highlighted in red. Not bookmarked, nothing. Ah....thank you Jesus. :)

John 14:15-21 NIV
 "If you love me, you will obey what I command. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever- the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him."

Chills.....yes. I needed this reminder. We are simply obeying what God has commanded of us. Plain and simple that is it. We are obeying God. We love God, and this was commanded of us. We make things so hard from time to time. But without fail, Gods word simplifies it. He makes it easy to understand and we make it hard.

The verse that also comes to mind is......"Trust in The Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In ALL your ways acknowledge him and He will make your paths straight."

So I will leave this up to God. He will sort it out. On my end, I will be waiting until I get to sleep through the night before bringing a third into the mix. I'm talking to YOU Nora Beth! ;) 

Can't wait....all in good time that is......to add our precious, prayed for, Already adored, little Jane to our family.