Jane

This has been a  hard couple of days! I honestly did NOT see this coming at all. We got our update for Jane yesterday and we are #9. Meaning that if we weren't pregnant we could be seeing a picture of our baby girl before the new year.

I think it just brought up a range of emotions that I didn't think I would even be going through. We never in a million years thought things would pick up and move so quickly again. Plus, our road to pregnancy/having a family has been an emotional rollercoaster.

I wasn't positive I would even have a desire to get pregnant after getting Jane home, but I also wasn't positive I wouldn't and the decisions we have been faced with over the past couple years have been hard! Dealing with endometriosis, and then infertility and then being faced with how we were going to heal this disease (that is typically only curable by pregnancy or prolonged use of artificial hormones) has just overall been a bit rough! Being given timelines to get pregnant by and then passing them by month after month was stressful.

Lots of prayer has gone into all of this and I have felt peace every step of the way....but being pregnant doesn't reduce our desire for Jane to be home....and wrapping my mind around the fact that she was just within our reach and now is back out there in the "unknown timeline" land is sad! Like, really really sad. Obviously God decided to allow us to get pregnant and oh my goodness, I am so glad he did. But for some reason the reality of our precious other child that isn't resting safely in my belly with the other two is just killing me!

I have pretty much come to a place of peace with the idea of three little ones running around our home instead of just one. I'm actually excited that my neat little clean house will soon be the home to more baby things than we can count and I have even accepted, although I know I can't fully understand yet, that I will be tired most all the time. I am honestly excited about every ounce of it. I am excited about my sole focus for a while being my babies. If you know me well, you know that although I enjoy my career, all I have ever wanted to do is be a mom. Period. I can't wait to finally have the job I have dreamed about forever.

But I am having a hard time with the fact that Jane Jordan isn't coming home soon. She is still coming home, but not that soon. I was also a little confused about the rules within our agency about adoption after biological babies are born. I was under the impression that you just had to wait 6 months and you could be matched with any baby. However, I was not understanding correctly and the rule is actually that your biological children and adopted children must be at least 6 months apart in age. Meaning that once our bio babies are 4 months old we could accept a referral for a 10 month old, or once they are 6 months old we could accept a referral for a 12 month old and so on. It's not that big of a deal, but just a different mindset in a way. A mindset that likely places us being matched with a slightly older child. Which is ok too. Just something new to wrap my mind around (however, I have come to enjoy God stretching me so I can look back and smile on the end result).

As I type all this I think what is going on is that I am just adjusting to a new reality. A new look of starting our family. A slightly altered picture of getting Jane home and bringing biological children into our family. Nothing about any of this is bad. I mean, if Jane can walk when she gets here that would make my life a lot easier since I will have two that don't! Well, maybe, maybe not I guess...hehe!

God has already written this story. We had the elders at church anoint us with oil several months ago and pray for healing over my body and I was healed. We also prayed for years and years about adoption and have never wavered on this aspect of bringing children into our home. God has flooded this adoption with more blessings that I can count. The story is written and I hope that as I live out this next crazy chapter in my life I can bring glory to God through this story. I hope people look at our family and think, "If Lance & Kayla can do it so can we!" And I hope this is just the beginning of it all. I hope we can continue to be a warm home to children who need a mommy and daddy. I pray that my life is nothing but a platform for God to work and that I can love on as many babies as he allows me to have, regardless of where they come from! :)

*Lets hope Lance didn't make it to the end of this post hehe! :)