Should we be asking "why" or "what"

This has been my question lately. I have been asking "why....why....why" about 100x a day over the past month or so. The adoption world has been very very quiet. Like kind of freaking me out quiet. I have found myself just getting so annoyed at the process. Why does it take so long? Why have so many orphanages closed down in Ethiopia causing programs to shut down. Why did we feel led to change from Uganda to Ethiopia and now Uganda seems to be moving quickly (however, we have learned that can change in a second), why did God place this life long desire on my heart and then just leave us waiting for something that seems like it will never come.

Then the pregnancy thing comes into play. With each passing day I become aware of another friend who is pregnant. And at this point it is more often than not their second baby. Its a great thing. God made woman to have babies. It is normal. Even mundane when you look at it from the standpoint of how often it happens every day. But why not us? Why can't any doctors figure out why we can't have a baby? Why can't someone just give us a teeny, tiny little diagnosis instead of this horrible term "unexplained infertility"! I have come to kind of hate the word. In one way I am thankful that no one is looking at us and thinking our hope of a child is small. But on the other hand, no one can tell us why. I mean doctors perform heart transpants and brain surgery and do crazy things that take SO much skill. Why can't they figure out why we can't have a baby!? So to say the least the baby thing is another huge "WHY" in my life!

I met a friend at a conference that said she prayed and asked God to take away her desire to have a baby is it was not in God's plan for her. And he did. He totally took it away and their family is growing 100% through adoption. Awesome! And I think I could be 100% ok with growing our family through adoption only. However, here is the thing. I pray and pray this prayer and with each day I feel like my desire to have a biological child grows larger and larger. God is NOT taking away this desire, He is growing it. Why!?

So here is where I have landed. I NEED TO STOP ASKING "WHY" AND START ASKING "WHAT".

The fact of the matter is that we are not anywhere near having our little Jane home and we are not pregnant. Instead of asking God 1,000 times a day "why" this is happening I need to start asking "what" I am supposed to be doing in this season! I do know for a fact that God is not calling me to get up, mope around, google "unexplained infertility" for hours and then obsess over our adoption timeline. He is not calling me to feel "less than" because I don't have a baby.

I have felt it before and am constantly convicted that blending in and being just like everyone else is not how Jesus lived. I am different than almost ALL of my married friends in the fact that we are childless. My day in and day out looks very different than everyone in my family due to the fact that I work outside the home. But it's ok. I am setting a personal goal for myself and every time I want to ask "why" I am going to switch it and ask God "what"!

I am excited to see what He reveals and tells me to do!!