C4C retreat 2012....and some other thoughts

This past weekend I attended an adoption retreat in Atlanta. It was really good. I have taken a lot away from this weekend and ironically the majority of what I am taking away has little to do with the ins and outs of international adoption and a LOT to do with my heart.

My first morning at the retreat a woman spoke about refinement. This is not a word I use much and I haven't ever spent much time defining this word. We didn't spend much time talking about refinement but I prayed that morning asking God to " Take ME away and replace it with YOU." I have decided that my heart cannot truly be refined until all the desires of ME are gone and replaced with the desires of HIM. I am making that my new definition of "refined".

As the weekend progress, as awesome as it was TRULY, some very real emotions and feelings were surfacing in my heart and I clearly heard God tell me that my heart cannot be refined until I face some of these emotions that He surfaced this weekend. Which I had NO idea even existed or existed to the extent that they do. It amazes me that God knows the deepest part of my heart even more clearly and fully than I do.

I sat in our last session this morning and these very specific words came to mind:
1. Anxiety
2. Pride
3. Arrogance
4. Fear
5. Control
6. Vanity
7. Envy
These are struggles that have been hiding in the deepest part of my heart (some deeper than others) that I have been unable to address and make peace with because quite honestly I was unaware they were so present. I am thankful God has surfaced these dark parts of my heart and with his HUGE unending amount of grace I know he will help me work through and get rid of every last one of these nasty words mentioned above. Although I am not new to my journey with God, I feel like He has taken our relationship to a whole different place. I now know a father that wants what is best for me AND wants to use me for His glory. Up until recently I had a hard time believing the two worked together. I would find myself feeling like I was driving on empty and God continued to ask more from me. But each day I am realizing more and more that He loves me and cares deeply for my heart.

Out of curiosity while waiting in Atlanta airport I goggled "refine". Here is what I got:
Refine: with impurities or unwanted elements having been removed by professing.
The next definition was: In the process of purification.

So that is me right now. In the process of purification. In the process of having the pure heart God intended for me.

In the meantime I am going to need some time to process all that has filled my brain about orphans, adoption, and faith. I am on overload right now and really wouldn't know where to begin!

But I will say that I fall in love with adoption more and more every day! I know this is what our family was created for from the beginning of time. I get asked a lot about biological children and have even been asked recently, "Don't you want your own babies too?" I understand this question and am beginning to understand more and more that adoption is not a calling that is placed on everyone's heart. This weekend a women put it so very clearly. She said that there is an obvious need for people to address the orphan crisis and believe me it is a CRISIS!! But then she said this: A need it there. A need will always be there. However, A NEED-A CALL=TROUBLE and a NEED+A CALL= TREASURE.

Here are some scriptures I have had on my mind lately:

Romans 10:17-18
Consequently faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ.

Ephesians 4:1-7
As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. [2] Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. [3] Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. [4] There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called—[5] one Lord, one faith, one baptism; [6] one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. [7] But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it.

Philippians 2:1-30
Imitating Christ’s Humility If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, [2] then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. [3] Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. [4] Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. [5] Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: [6] Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, [7] but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. [8] And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross! [9] Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, [10] that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, [11] and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. Shining as Stars [12] Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, [13] for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. [14] Do everything without complaining or arguing, [15] so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe [16] as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing. [17] But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. [18] So you too should be glad and rejoice with me.

These passages above speak so clearly to me and our life right now! I encourage you to read them too and see how God is speaking to your life. Because whether it is adoption, caring for the poor or 1,000 other possibilities, God has a BIG plan and purpose for your life. He loves us so much and knows are truest, deepest sense of joy and purpose comes when we serve him!!

And to address the "don't you want your own baby" question my answer is, Yes I want to experience pregnancy one day and have the opportunity to nurture a child from birth, however Jane Jordan is "our own baby" and will always be 100% equal to any biological child we may have. Our family will follow God 100% and consider whatever children he places in our life a gift!! We are not promised anything, not even children, and consider our little Ethiopian angel such a precious, wonderful, miraculous gift because God created her and she IS a miracle! :-

This video was brought to my attention last week and I just sat down and watched it. I won't even go into detail about my feelings about this video but I think it is one everyone needs to take the 8 minutes to watch.



Ok, wow long post huh!? I will stop now! :) Happy Monday!

My roomie Lindsey! We had SO much fun getting to know each other. I am so grateful that we were connected through our blogs! :)

View from our room! So beautiful!! :)

Some new friends. I met so many people with so many different stories that led them to adoption. It was so easy to connect with all the girls I met this weekend and it was so refreshing to be around 400 other people who shared my heart for adoption.