The fog has lifted

I have been away from blogging for a few weeks b/c I have been in kind of a fog. I have just had a lot on my plate dealing with life. Not that I have been going through anything traumatic or awful, but sometimes life has weeks or months that a harder or busier than others and this has been one of those times.

I have come to the conclusion that Adoption is really hard. We are in the midst of reading the books required by our agency and I cannot tell you how many times I come across the words "at risk", "sensory integration disorder", "anger outbursts", and "attachment issues". I'm not going to lie. The first three chapters of my first book are now covered with tears. I was initially shocked at the words "at risk" that were popping out multiple times on every page of one book in particular. At risk? Why is she at risk? Then as I continued to read I realized that yes, she is "At risk", but so are all of us. Yes, she will need healing and love and a bit of extra care in the beginning. But so do all of us. Yes, her scars may run deep. But this is not something we can't overcome. Our little baby girl is going to be loved by us, and taken care of, and will have to endure all of her crazy mother's attachment antics (believe me this little chica is going to attach to us!), but in the end we are not in charge, capable, or in control of her "healing". We are going to leave that to the ultimate healer, who makes all things perfect in his time! All babies are "at risk" because they are born into a scary, imperfect world and are given to imperfect people. I have decided that our little one is not so different than the others. She will be a blessing and a challenge, but try to find one mother with biological children that hasn't endured challenges as well. All babies are challenging blessings!! :)

God has taken me from terrified, to cautious, to anxiously optimistic, to excited and prayerful!! I am grateful that God has cleared my mind and allowed the fog to be lifted!!

Also, we had a wonderful weekend doing a little outdoor, tree chopping fundraiser that was called, "Texas Chainsaw massacre-bringing home baby Agan." Left my camera, but will post pics when I get it back!!