I saw this post in passing the other day. Like all my social media news...I read half of it in passing as I am walking between kids rooms at naptime or while washing dishes. But it stuck out to me because this is something I think about quite often. It was called "Things I don't do."
Mommy hood is a hard job full of lots of work and fun and grinding away daily. By design its just busy and honestly quite draining. In my opinion the only way to conquer this job and find fulfillment in it, is to be you. "You be YOU" could never ring more true than in motherhood. I have found that there is so much joy to be discovered when you can live life with the freedom to find what works for you. What is LIFE giving for YOU, and let the rest go.
So here is my list of things I DO and DONT do:
I DON'T:
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Cook elaborate meals. Nothing with more than five ingredients typically hits our table. With three kids three and under dinner is usually stressful. It's a miracle just getting everyone to sit down and actually eat. After divvying up dinner, listening to whining about veggies, and a few spilled milks and waters later we have zero desire to then tackle a messy kitchen brought on by complicated dinner prep. So nope. At our house you will find a meat, veggie, and a fruit. The end. And sometimes you will find Taco Bell. Yes, I will admit it. Dinner for us is all about getting in and out. We wait until after bedtime to pop out the wine and relax.
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Send cards. I SO and I mean SO would like to be a person who remembers everyones birthday and anniversary and could pop a card in the mail to honor the day. Or be the mom who has Christmas cards out by thankdgiving. I mean, I envy you. We have a few family members who don't forget a date. And it's so much fun to get those cards every year. But it is something I simply cannot keep up with and would send me into a tailspin if I tried. My twins just turned three and I still have not sat down and downloaded the photos from their first birthday party. I also missed Christmas cards this year so I printed new years cards and they are still at Walgreens. Yes I am done with cards. And thank you notes. I try hard on this one, but still am not thriving in this department either.
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Get ready every day. For me, I feel okay with washing my face, brushing my teeth, putting on clean clothes and being done with it. I don't care about wearing makeup every day so I simply do not. It may be strange for a 31 year old woman. But the way I see it is that this is my face. And why not be happy with the face God gave you. I also do not spend a fortune on products. Sure. I rub on some night cream before bed. But expensive skincare is not in my budget these days so I don't force it. And I am ok with that.
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Do "school" with my toddlers. My kids are wonderful. Funny, smart, quirky, and sweet. However they don't have any interest at this point in sitting down and working on letters and sounds. We adopted a third baby from Ethiopia about a year ago and when she is sleeping the last thing my three year olds want to do is sit and work. So we don't. We play outside and get wet and muddy everyday and for now I am cool with that. When they care so will I.
* Get up before my kids. I love my kids, but mornings are not, let me repeat NOT my thing. I wake up when my kids do and don't even feed them until I have my coffee. They know better than to really even engage with me. Sorry sweetie just watch Calliou until Mommy rises from the dead.
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Obsessivly clean for company. I try so hard to keep the house clean. I want to have pride in my home and have it be welcoming to others. But the truth is, with really young kids it's just not always possible. My bathrooms are always clean. and I dust a LOT. But if you want to come to a house free of laundry and toys we are not your stop. I once read someone say, "If you want to come see US you are welcome anytime. If you want to come see my house please make an appointment." I enjoy anything tactile and hands on and so do my kids. We do a lot of coloring, and playdough and painting. A LOT of stuff that would make my friends cringe. But we enjoy it so I've let go of guilt over it. For so long I felt like I needed to hide the mess, bc a proper stay at home mom maintained a perfect house. But I now know that isn't true. If we can live with it, that's all that matters.
I DO:
* Typically go overboard for birthdays. I don't mean expensive necessarily. NOT looking at you third birthday party where Elsa and Anna were hired. Yikes. But I mean in preparation, and a theme and crafts and coordination. I love the mindless work that comes with dipping cup rims in icing that match the frosting on the donut cake. Or pulling out all the Christmas decorations
to create a winter themed party in April. In a life where we spend a whole lot of time in the trenches doing the hard parenting work. The molding of little humans we are so desperately trying to make into happy, respectful, kind little people, I enjoy something that doesn't really matter much in the scheme of life and is just FUN! So I have no guilt for my pinterest party. I'm not trying to out do anyone or up my self esteem. I just think it fun. SO its on the table in my book. Don't worry it will be a month later and I still won't have taken any of it down. Don't give me too much credit.
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I do give most hours of my day to my kids. Stay at home mom, working mom, work from home mom. We come in all varieties. For me, full time stay at home mom is what fits. I do work an hour or two a week when Lance gets home some nights and am thinking its time to increase the hours. But for now this is where I have felt the most peace about being so this is where I am. Some days we don't leave the house all day and stay in our pajamas. I am okay with it.
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Prioritize my husband over my kids. Even if that means they are locked in their room for "rest time" because they wont stay in there so I can accomplish somethings that are important for him and will allow us more uninterrupted time together once they are all in bed. This one takes a lot of effort, bc these small humans can take over. But I try my HARDEST not to let them. Below is our "mid life crisis" date night where we got tattoos. It's so important to just be married sometimes and not be mommy and daddy. Can I get an amen!?!
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Watch Netflix and drink wine. Even when there are workput dvds screaming my name or a PILE of who knows what that needs to be loaded or unloaded or folded sometimes I just say "screw it" pardom my French and binge on Netflix. Yep, it has been admitted.
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Spend time OUT of the house with friends. I do something unrelated to being a wife and a mommy at least once a week. No monthly girls night for me. I go to the gym a couple times a week and I go out with my girlfriends at least once a week too. It is something I need. It makes me a better wife and mommy and Lance and I have each others back on the whole getting out of the house thing.
Ok that list will do for now! What I hope to get across is that there is SO much freedom and joy that can be found in life when you can come to a place where you are ok with saying NO to stuff in order to have the time to say YES to what matters to you. Happy list making! :)
