Ever considered it?

So like I've said in posts before. Adoption is hard. The first months home kicked my booty. For real! But as we near the 6 month mark home with our angel I am in awe of her. Of her joy. Every photo we saw of Sena while we waited, she looked so sad. It was honestly hard to open up my email updates bc I just couldn't handle seeing any more sad photos. An empty face mixed with a little anger and fear. It was terrible. Then we got her and she started smiling the next morning and she hasn't stopped since. She just needed a reason to smile. A reason to unleash her joy. Have you ever considered adoption!? There is truly nothing like seeing a child become who they were created to be as a result of the simple act of love. It's amazing! 

"My child doesn't remember being hungry but her body does."

Why do we let Sena STILL have a big ol bottle every night? 

Why do we allow her 2, 3, 4, meals before noon? 

Why do I reach for a box of granola bars when she starts hitting and biting her siblings? 

This article has me just shaking my head and saying YES the entire time. 

I have believed for some time now that almost all of Sena's particularly negative behaviors revolve around hunger. No, she probably doesn't remember being hungry. But her body, on the most primal level still remembers that it needs to panic when the feeling of hunger comes. For 16 months of her life a twinge of hunger meant disaster. Fear. Terror. Possibly even the fear of dying. 

To relate it to something easier to understand, imagine the most frightening thing that ever happened to you. Or highest trigger of stress. Think of the visceral reaction that is triggered when you think about it or find yourself in a similar situation. That's how I imagine my Sena must feel. Daily. Over and over. The feeling of hunger comes and although she knows the food will never be lacking she reverts to panic. It's what her body has learned to do. Poor sweet baby. 

Please read this oh so good article. 

http://foster2forever.com/2016/01/signs-of-infant-neglect.html

My girls. ❤️

My kids are all so different. So wonderful. So full of such unique traits and personalities so different from each other. At the end of each day I feel so thankful for the job God has graciously allowed me to have right now, being their mommy.  

My Nora: my heart 

Passionate. Dramatic. Great sense of humor. Athletic. Coordinated. Loving. Meticulous. Smart. Hilarious. A crowd pleaser. Wears her heart on her sleeve. Very easily excited. Very easily sent into a tailspin of emotions. Very polite. A great sister. A dancer. 

My Zoe: my light 

A total nurturer. Kind. Sweet. A people pleaser. Peacemaker. Clumsy. Whimsical. Girly girl. Tender hearted. Mamas girl. Laid back. Flexible. A great sister. Smart. Trusting. Compassionate. Empathetic. A talker. 

My Sena: my strength 

Loud. Sweet. Observant. Smart. Easy going. Independent. Mamas girl. Funny. Hyper. Brave. Trusting. Compassionate. A great sister. A sponge. Joyful. 

I love these girls so much! They are my "work" right now. My world. The ones I spend most hours with. Teaching and loving and disciplining and hugging and playing. Sometimes it feels like the day in and day out cleaning and cooking and just never stopping routine gets hard. But to apart of their childhood and little lives still so fresh and new everyday is such a joy! I am one LUCKY mama!! 

Hour by hour

So I'm being held hostage in my girls room until they fall asleep and just saw this post on a friends blog, thanks Amanda, so to pass the time I'm totally copying it! 

Here is a typical day around here:

*disclaimer: all photos not taken in the same day! But do generally represent our days. 

7:30ish am: awoken by Sena Jane. I scoop her up, grab her a water & myself a coffee and we start Daniel Tiger on the couch. 

8ish am: breakfast for Sena. Almost always eggs! 

9ish am: The big girls arise. Scoop up. Now some Daniel tiger and dry cereal most days for them. 

10ish am: Try to clean up breakfast dishes while managing all three now up and crazy! 

11ish am: Get girls dressed and head out for an outing. My getting ready usually consists of washing my face, mascara, Chapstick. Glamorous I know. Don't be too jealous! And I usually take 3 minutes to do this once they are loaded in the car. 

12ish pm:  Typically at the park or out in the yard playing. 

1ish pm: Lunch and Senas nap time. 

2ish pm: Senas up. Yes you read that right. We have one napping child out of three and she never even naps 1 full hour! We take another "chill" hour and play quietly or watch tv with the lights down in the living room. 

3ish pm: kids in car, mom to Starbucks. 

4ish pm: Dinner prep with slightly frightening toddlers at this point in the day. Power through. Structured play. Usually playdough in high chairs or art outside. 

5ish pm: Time to head outside! Trampoline, bikes, chalk! Waiting for Daddyyyyy!! Usually dinner for the kids in this hour. 

6ish pm: DADDY IS HOME!!!!! We let daddy eat a quick bite then he takes over while mommy takes 5 or 10 or 20! ;) 

7ish pm: start bedtime for all kiddos!

8ish pm: High Fives! We made it through another day!! Quick clean up. Lance on laundry, me on kitchen. 

9ish pm: Wine, Netflix, reeeeelaxing!!

10ish pm: Lance to bed. I do my daily quiet time. Worship music and prayer time in the quiet living room. Ahhhh so peaceful.

( not gonna post myself in the bath so here's one for cuteness!!) 

11ish pm: bath and book. 

Midnight: GOODNIGHT! 

Best Friends!

Best friends. These two are just the best of friends. It's so so so sweet to watch. They truly could not exist one without the other. They each have what the other lacks. A perfect match. They play beautifully everyday. Never fight. They are totally a match made in heaven these sweet twins of mine! I love their sweet sweet sister love! Keep on being each others rock angel girls! And maybe let baby sis in sometimes too. ;) 

Best Friends!

Best friends. These two are just the best of friends. It's so so so sweet to watch. They truly could not exist one without the other. They each have what the other lacks. A perfect match. The play beautifully everyday. Never fight. They are totally a match made in heaven these sweet twins of mine! I love their sweet sweet sister love! Keep on being each other rock angel girls! And maybe let baby sis in sometimes too. ;) 

Our Sena

I feel like my posts and general "social media presence" if that's a thing, revolve around Sena lately. Which doesn't represent my day to day life or affection for one child over another. If we are being honest she isn't the child in our family that requires the most attention at all. But the truth of the matter is Sena is a miracle. All children in fact are miracles, but this is a miracle not as common. I believe Senas presence and placement in our family is supernatural. Truly divine. 

Here is the truth. When Sena first came home I was depressed. Not like "oh I was so bummed out". But DEPRESSED. Everything she did made me crazy. It's hard for me to even tell how hard or easy she really was because my tolerance for her was well, nothing. I cried a lot. Others close to me and those living in my house assured me that she was a sweet little girl. Maybe a bit scared, definitely grieving, but sweet. Me? I thought she was a terrible natured child with no chance of ever fitting into our family. I thought we would never adjust. That she would ruin us. That my other kids would never have a happy life. I was wrong. I've heard people throw around the term post adoption depression. And honestly I can't stay for certain if I was dealing with that or just the effects of extreme sleep deprivation and caring for three kids under three on no sleep. I was dealing with big emotions from lots of little ones daily. 

But I mention the above, although I'm not proud of it at all, to share with you the miracle that is adoption. Even if it takes a while to get there. Because now. NOW Sena is mine. Not just by law but deep into my veins like my biological children. She is instinctively and intuitively mine. A deep love. Real. This is a miracle. This shows me that God WANTS children in families. Sena is mine. I mean mine. No different than the other two. Adoption isn't what I see when I look at her anymore. It's part of her story, yes. But when I look at her now I see kindness, and joy, and intelligence, and confidence and at times insecurity too. Just like I see strengths and weaknesses in all my kids. Yes, there are areas where we still parent her slightly differently, but focusing on our ADOPTED child and all the language and lingo that comes with it isn't at the forefront of my every thought. Everyday. Yes she is different in some ways because the first half of her life was hard. We are always watching her and making sure she is okay. But she is just one of the family. She knows we are her people and that she belongs with us. Adoption is always plan B. It is born of loss. But if I've ever seen God step in and make beauty from ashes it's in the life of my sweet sweet Sena Jane. And even more in my own heart. Satan tried to destroy this hidden beauty. But our God is bigger. He bound 5 hearts together. And together forever we will stay. 

I share these personal details with you because I am just so passionate now about adoption. It's so easy to think that these kids in orphanages are somehow different than the kids here. Than kids in families. That somehow these far off kids are probably okay. But when I think of the Sena we met 4 months ago and compare her to the talking, walking, funny, brilliant child I have here it hits me daily that these kids are no different than the ones you have sleeping under your roof. They are precious, full of potential souls, in a holding pattern just waiting to have their true selfs realized by a real, forever family. Heartbreaking. But so much potential for beauty in these waiting souls. 

So in all the chaos and stress that having three toddlers brings, I am choosing joy. Because JOY is what we all deserve and it's just a much better thing to have! I may still wanna cry sometimes with the hard days and all that comes with mommying toddlers, but we have miracles happening in our house people and that's something to smile about! 

Snuggling with mommy. She situates herself on me like this every night. Lately she just talks and talks while we rock. I don't know what she's saying really, but it's so sweet.