Part two :)

Drive home. So sleepy. Girls dancing in matching jammies. Lots of giggling and laughing. Sena seems right where she needs to be. Hard to recall the night. Sena up for the day at 3am. Lance makes her eggs. Her love language is eggs. Back to "bed" for Sena at about 8am. Then the two year olds arise. This goes on for weeks and weeks. Tired doesn't begin to describe it. Sena doesn't know what it means to be rocked. Not used to that kind of intimacy. Lots of thrashing. Screaming. Scratching. My face looks like I've been in a fight with a cat. She has a cry like you've never heard. Eyes rolling back in her head. She is freaking out. Like, really freaking out. Sena yells out strange names in the night and whimpers. Truly heartbreaking. The big girls are having a hard time. Sena isn't sure what being in a family looks like. Mealtime is chaos. What's a high chair? Wait, why are you passing around that bowl!? Is the food leaving!? Cannot.let.go.of.food. Walks around with hands full of food at all times. Wants the steaming pot of pasta from the stove. Like, really won't stop screaming until she has all the food within her reach. Eats until she's sick most days. Lots of doctors visits. Parasites. Giardia. Ringworms. Tapeworms. Still not sleeping. Up every hour most nights screaming. We move her to her own room. We take turns laying on a mattress on the floor next to her. Biological kids starting to get really annoyed. Hitting and pouting are common. Sena cannot express herself so she bites. How do I discipline!? Probably can't spank her. But timeout just makes her laugh! We are weary. Outnumbered. Stressed. Dirty. Starting at each other every night wondering what on earth we've done to our lives. Laundry. Yeah right! Meals are still being brought over. We invite friends in. It may be breaking the attachment rules, but we need to see faces. I need to know the world is still spinning outside my messy house. All the kids eat way too many French fries. I yell at Sena for nothing then yell at Zoe and Nora. I've never yelled at one of my kids in almost three years. But I'm practically screaming at them today. My biological kids are huddled on the couch together so confused. Did a crazy person take over our mommies body!? I seriously consider checking myself into the crazy house. Kidding. But really. It was bad. But then.....Sena starts eating and leaving her food on the tray. She's starting to believe another meal is coming. She still wakes up at night but is now handing me her blanket and bottle and saying "night night" to the family. Welcoming my embrace and giggling with kisses from sisters. Rocking peacefully in my arms until her chubby sweet body just collapses into sleep on my chest. The death grip on the bottle is softer. In fact, once the milk is gone she tosses it down. Maybe she believes me that a new bottle will come again tomorrow. Or in a few hours. Who are we kidding. She starts to play alone. She looks back to check on me, but she's not so scared all the time. She starts napping. We still have sibling jealousy. But it's a little better. We go one or two days and realize that nothing horrific happened. No one spazzed out for 3 hours for no reason in the grocery store. We actually fold some laundry. Zoe introduces her baby sister to all her friends and teachers. Maybe I didn't ruin everyone's life after all. Sena starts talking. She follows directions. She runs to daddy in the evenings with open arms. She is learning that we are her family. I notice less crumbs everywhere. Hold on!? She didn't carrying food everywhere today. She is still fiercely independent. Mama wishes she would let herself just be a little more dependant on her. Just be a baby. But she is softer. She loves to be loved and to give love. Life is creeping back into normal territory. The big girls love their little sister so much. She loves them so much. Pulling the covers over my head and cringing at the day ahead is happening much less. We aren't just surviving or coping. Most days we are living life. We are adjusting. We are going to play dates and the park. We are making play dough and singing in the kitchen. We are icing Halloween cookies and licking the bowl. I am enjoying being a mommy again. My confidence in this whole parenting thing is slowly being restored. It's still hard. So hard.

But worth it. To watch a little human flourish under the care of a real family is a miracle that everyone should witness. We are a family. Sena is part of our family. We are lucky to have her. ❤️

Our trip to Ethiopia in simple terms....

Here is how I've decided to document our journey. There is just no time for me to pour out my heart into these pages right now. So for now, enjoy the cliff notes! 

Got the call. Court date in July. Cloud nine for days. Rushed packing last minute. Of course. Long flight. Lots of candy and movies. Enjoyed every minute of this time with Lance. Arrived in DC for a day. So much fun. Arrived in Ethiopia. There is no where like it. Beautiful country. Beautiful people. Truly unique souls. Obama was in town. Traffic nightmare. Waited in a dusty van for over 4 hours before finally getting to Senas orphanage. Small town. Very busy with lots of people and animals. So many monkeys. So so many monkeys. We suddenly arrive. Just a metal blue door in the middle of all the busyness. We are told this is the orphanage. Exit. We go in. They ask if we are here for Sena. Yes we are. We are told they are preparing her. We wait for 5 minutes in a small room with open windows. You can hear the kids playing and some crying. A pretty nanny in bright pink scrubs appears with a tiny little baby with cornrows and a terrified look. There is our girl. She clings to her nanny for dear life. Not feeling the white strangers one bit. We peel the poor child from her death grip and attempt to calm her. She reluctantly gives it up. Her eyes never do. She's on high alert. We can't believe she is in our arms. We try to take her all in. She is just the cutest. So many years we have waited for this. We feel like the mommy and daddy. Yet we feel out of place here. We don't quite fit in. Everyone is so kind. All the kids are precious. Senas skin looks bad and she has a cold. I am already feeling the mommy instinct to make this better. But I can't. I'm not the mommy yet. We give hugs and go to our lodge. So many monkeys. Explore and enjoy this amazing place and amazing people. Wake up and go see our girl one more time. She's still terrified of us. We have a peace about it. We watch her play with her friends and nannies. She's a loving child. She's been loved and played with and has a little sparkle in her eyes. What a relief. We play and hug and take 700 photos and then we head back to addis for court the next  day. Court comes and goes. We answer a few questions and like that we are officially mama and daddy. We celebrate that night with a traditional Ethiopian meal. Such a fun night. Have I mentioned this country and culture is just so cool? We get sick. Like, really really sick. The rest of our trip is spent in the room. One bathroom. Not many towels. I won't go into detail. But just gross. We fly home. Strange to leave her but we have peace. Still so sick. Again, no details but gross. We get to Toronto for a day layover. It's beautiful. And the sickness is starting to level off. We enjoy the city. Soaking in our last time out for a while just the two of us. We fly home. Our girls are so excited to see us. Nora is a little mad at me. We order Mexican food and eat it as a family on a blanket in the living room. It's so good to be home. We nest. We move room arrangements. We get the call that it's time to return about 4 weeks later. It's game time. I leave with my mom. This departure wasn't pretty. The girls were not excited for mommy to go to Africa again. I get nervous. The reality is setting in. We fly to Dubai. The experience was terrible. I won't say more. We then arrive in Ethiopia. We are greeted by the same warm, beautiful faces. It's raining. The first thing we hear is "welcome back. We go get the children now." Wow. What!? Just like that huh!? We end up going to the hotel first. My mind needed to unwind and I had a few things I wanted to have ready for her. We quickly are on our way. We drove through a beautiful area. We arrive. Her new orphanage is in a sweet little home. A much quieter, cleaner area. We walk in. It smells warm and like life and coffee and children. It's a happy place. Senas lifelong friend who has been with her for a long time is standing at the door waiting for his mama. She is with us. Wow they are all here. They live here. Our stories are finally merging. We are taking them home. Today! A chubby little girl waddles out of a door in the far left corner. Cute as can be and in fresh clean clothes. She's comfortable here. Just wandering around. What's on her head? Holy cow! Now that's a big ring worm. I pick her up. She just stares at me. Her eyes are a million times less scared than they were a month ago. She settles into me quickly. Fearful but peaceful. Only by the grace of God. My mom snaps photos. Things feel much less awkward this time. I'm here to get my baby. We have coffee. We ask the nannies questions. So many questions. We give long hugs. Tears are shed. Lots of bittersweet tears. We say goodbye. My feet can hardly step into the wet grass and move forward. We are taking her away forever. The magnitude of it all is overwhelming. She falls asleep in my arms in the van almost instantly. We drive silently through the Ethiopian night. Windows open. Totally dark. Wind in our hair. Two friends silently holding a new son and new daughter. Not many words are spoken. So much is understood. Surreal. Peaceful. Powerful. Sena clings tight. She didn't let go for days. I was her new person. We go together now. Just like that. We stay with her at the hotel. Lots of playing. Eating. Laughing. This is one funny and smart little girl. She laughs through life. Such joy and resilience. She loves eggs. She loves to play. She loves to communicate. So much personality and life in this new little package of mine. We pack up. We have a stressful time at the airport in addis. We board the plane. I cry as we fly away from Ethiopia. Her home. But no more. We get to Dubai. We sleep hard. We leave the next day to go home. The flight went well with a few nap time freak outs. By both mommy and baby. We finally arrive home. Customs was a slight nightmare. So ready to see lance and my big girls. My mom and I are pretty weary after two days of travel. We finally make it out. All of our most loved ones are there with signs and smiles and love. Support. Encouragement. In awe over Sena. Zoe and Nora meet her. I hug Lance. So many emotions. It's all a bit of a blur. We take photos and then load up. All three of my girls want me to hold them at the same time. I'm sweating and so tired. The reality of the job I'm embarking upon is hitting me quicker than I imagined. We all get loaded into the car. Just like that. Or new sweet pea is in the car. Just like that we head home to start a new chapter. To be continued.....

Halloween 2015

We had SUCH a fun Halloween this year with our girls. Zoe and Nora in particular were super pumped about all of it. We checked the mail box for "Daniel tiger" and the "alligator hat" for weeks leading up to the big day. We also just enjoyed all things Halloween in our neighborhood this month. One of our neighbors had a big inflatable cat and another a giant pumpkin that somehow was named "pumpkin boy". The girls would wait on pins and needles all day asking "mommy did the sun go down!?" "Is the cat and pumpkin boy up!?" Bless them. We've had such a hard time getting out and about the past couple months, they were probably just bored. 

Sena followed the big girls through it all, soaking it all up. She's such a trooper and such a sweet little third child. 

Halloween festivities started with the big girls school party Thursday, church trunk or treating Friday and trick or treating Saturday. The sugar overload was incredible. Nora was up until midnight Saturday just laughing alone in her bed and making crazy sounds. It was pretty funny. But man, three kids under three running crazy with candy!? Who has time to monitor. We chose to just suffer the consequences later which weren't as hard since lance was home to help me greet the overtired, messed up with the time change little monster come Sunday morning bright and early. 

As I watched Sena flow happily through this weekend it really was just so surreal that she is here. Home. Trick or treating like she's been with us forever. Wow. 

Sleepy heads before Mother's Day out (aka my key to sanity twice a week!) 

Aunt Betho and uncle Cody took the girls to the Toyota center to trick or treat in the suites. This picture says it all! I think 4 kids on 2 adults was a biiiit of a challenge with the monster crowds. Thank goodness I didn't come along with Sena like I had planned!!

Little sister dressed as her cute self, Daniel tiger and the alligator at the big school party. 

Beaming with pride. Oh to be an innocent two year old and feel so beautiful and awesome dressed as a tiger and alligator. I'll enjoy these years while they last. One day I'll have three 16 year olds getting ready for Halloween. I shudder to imagine. 

On the way to trunk or treat. 

My three angel gals. 

With our sweet next door neighbor Madeline!

Decorating Halloween cookies before heading out on Halloween. 

So much fun it is to be 2! 

Serious about this. 

By Sunday this was us. Messy hair, no clothes and more playing in the rain! Love them and let's be honest, I LOVE that the crazy candy fest was over. But great memories and fun were had by all! 

The girls asked me today when the next party was. I told them unfortunately not for a few more weeks, but soon we get to have a turkey party. They love a good shindig! 

About coming home...

As we are about to go get our girl I thought I'd inform others of a few specific things we will be doing to transition our little angel into our family. Here is the letter I've sent to our family and friends. 

Dear friends and family,

As we prepare to welcome home our sweet Sena Jane we would like to share with you some unique, specific things that we will be doing as a family to help make her transition to our home as positive as possible. We ask that you please keep her unique circumstances in mind and try to view the world from her perspective as we transition her into her forever family.

Although we love Sena Jane very much, she does not know us. She is not only experiencing new sights, sounds and tastes, but she will be deeply grieving the loss of her caretakers in Ethiopia. This is a loss that will take time to heal. Based on lots of advice and research, the best way to help her little mind heal will be to create a calm, very predictable environment for her for the first several weeks home. She needs to learn that she can trust us. This unfortunately means we will need to limit visitors and large crowds for a while. We need to make sure she feels as secure and safe as possible in this big new world she is in! 

She also needs to learn that Lance and I are her Mommy and Daddy and this will take time as well. In order to begin bonding with her and eventually solidifying to her that we are always and forever her parents, we will need to parent a bit differently than we would with a biological child. Until we see that she has developed a strong attachment to us we ask a few specific things of you all. 

Lance and I will be the only ones meeting any of her basic needs. We will be the ones to feed her, change her, bathe her etc. In addition, we will be the only ones holding her and we ask that you please not reach your arms out towards her to be held. 

Playing with her on the floor with her mommy and daddy present however is just fine! And I know a couple of two year olds that would probably LOVE some extra attention!! 

We saw such a great, loving connection between her and her caretakers and we are hopeful that this means she will be able to easily transfer this attachment over to us. These "rules" although we don't know the timeline, are temporary and are simply what is best for our daughter. We cannot wait for the day that we put her down and she runs back crying for "mommy" and "daddy", but until then we just have to think about what's best for her!

We are so so so thankful for all the love and support of every single one of you guys! Please be patient with us. We are so excited for her to just dive into our awesome community, playgroups and more loving arms than she can count. And when she is ready I'm sure she will have lots of hugs to give out too!! 

Thanks for walking this journey alongside us!

Love,

Lance & Kayla

"Sissy wants iced tea"

I was browsing photos tonight and came across this little gem that was taken a few months ago! I just love this little relationship they have! I hope it continues to grow and get even sweeter! And I wonder how long it will take them to teach Sena Jane about their passion for beverages! 💗💗

Ethiopia day 1:

We left DC mid morning after a lovely 24 hour vacation of sight seeing and yummy food. We were both pretty much on cloud 9, both so excited to meet our little girl and just really enjoying some toddler free time just the two of us!

After a bit of a mad dash to the gate, we boarded the plane. The flight was pretty uneventful, aside from the unfortunate fact that we didn't sleep at all.

We landed in Ethiopia and after getting some things arranged, set off to meet our girl. Unfortunately, Obama was in town this particular day and almost all the roads out of addis were blocked off for security. So we literally couldn't get out of town! I was really chomping at the bit at this point, and was also really starting to feel the 24 hours of no sleep, mixed with the crazy Ethiopian traffic and more exhaust and crazy driving than you can imagine! Our orphanage is in a rural area pretty far away from the main city of Addis. The car ride was no fun and as much as I just wanted to soak in Ethiopia, I was DYING to meet my little Sena Jane! 

About 5 hours later we were finally dropping our stuff off at our hotel and loading back up, toys in hand, to see our girl! 

After driving for what seemed like days earlier in the day, it felt like it was about 30 seconds and they were saying "we are here!" 

So, we got out and waited in a little front office kind of room. The director welcomed us and told me that I had a "face like Sena's" and motioned for us to sit down. They kept yelled out this little back window for a few minutes, periodically telling our translator things like "she is getting dressed" "she is getting a diaper". Then all of a sudden around the corner comes this tiny little baby girl with tiny little braids in her hair. 

All I could think was "she is so little!!" And what's odd is that she isn't little at all. But to me she looked like such a tiny little angel baby, I could hardly take it! 

Like labor, the events to follow were a blur. She was definitely scared of us and clung to her nanny for dear life. We later learned that this was her very favorite nanny. We talked to her and tried to lure her into our arms with a stuffed animal and sweet words. She wasn't sold on us one bit, however she was a trooper and let me hold her. Having that sweet baby finally in my arms is a feeling I can't explain. It just felt like a 1,000 pound weight was lifted off my shoulders. It wasn't going to be today or tomorrow or the next day, but my heart could finally relax knowing she has found her home.

We weren't able to spend all that much time at the orphanage. We played with several kids and were able to see her room and friends. We got in a few more sweet moments with Sena and could see her little personality starting to shine through! It was a great first meeting day! 

We left the orphanage and headed back to the lodge where we were staying. We were asleep in bed by 7:00pm. It was heavenly. We did wake up around 11:30pm to the sound of what had to be AT LEAST 50 monkeys directly above us, in our room with just screens and no fully closing windows, howling and screaming and making more noise than I've ever heard. I was officially pretty freaked out. But what is there to do other than just crank the sound machine up on your phone and pop a couple Tylenol pm. So that is what I did, and luckily my exhaustion won over my terror of the monkeys! 

Stay tuned for day two with our girl!